Funny Articles

8 Things Only People Who Are Always Tired Will Understand

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Today I slept until 11:30 and then went out for the day with my family. I slept in the car both ways, then when we got home I immediately crashed on the couch. Do I have narcolepsy? No. Am I lazy? I don’t think so. I’m just one of the 2 trillion citizens of the world who suffer from Being Tired All the F*cking Time Syndrome. If you’re like me, you may recognize some of the following symptoms.

1. You’ve had under-eye bags since infancy

I am always on the hunt for new eye creams to tame my horrendous under-eye bags, but I was looking at a family photo album recently and realized I’ve had them since I was three. Tired girl is tired.

2. Your life goals involve someday getting enough sleep

I dream of a lifestyle where I never have to set an alarm, never miss a full night of sleep, and have someone to bring me coffee first thing when I wake up. A girl can dream.

3. You’re allergic to mornings

You hit the snooze button five or six times before you manage to get out of bed. Whenever someone invites you to do anything before noon, you look at them like they’re insane. And when you do have to get up, you are NOT going to be friendly.

4. You haven’t made it through a whole movie since… ever?

The lights are off, you’re sitting on a comfy couch. You’re so excited to finally watch this movie you’ve been dying to see. Aaaand you fell asleep in the first 10 minutes. Again. It takes you at least two or three sessions to finish any movie. But the worst is when you pay for a movie in the theater and then can’t keep your damn eyes open. Ugh.

5. You’re a master of sleep math

If you go to bed within the next 10 minutes, you can still get seven hours of sleep! If you skip brushing your hair in the morning, you can add on another two minutes!

6. You’re known for falling asleep on the couch, at your desk, on the floor…

Any place where you get a chance to relax for a second, you can fall asleep. You’re a master of sleeping in class, but hey, you don’t limit yourself! You can fall asleep on the bus, at basketball games, basically anywhere! Keep reaching for the stars!

7. Caffeine is non-negotiable

Other people talk about coffee like it’s something cute and fun. Coffee is not cute and fun. Coffee is life or death.

8. You go home early from parties to sleep

Staying up all night raging is really not your speed. You prefer a solid two to three hours of raging, then going home to get to sleep at a reasonable hour. While everyone else is playing their 500th game of beer pong with someone they won’t care about tomorrow, you’ll be snug as bug in your blankets.

Are you always tired? Did I miss any key elements of the tired experience? Tweet at me and let me know @erikaheidewald!