Funny Articles

6 Thirst Traps You Should Never Try

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Thirst traps are when you post a photo of yourself looking like an Instagram model with a suggestive caption (or no caption at all, which is somehow more suggestive). A thirst trap can also be when you post a status complaining about your relationship status with the hopes that someone else will offer to fix it (if you know what we mean). Whatever you post, a thirst trap lets the viewer know you want to get into the bone zone. But before you post your trap, you’ve got to consider what kind of bait you’re using, because some thirst traps should never be set.

A photo of your cute LBD while you’re at a funeral


Even if you are DTF in your LBD, the mood will be as dead as grandma. No dress is cute enough to make people forget that you’re standing a three feet away from a corpse. Even if the lighting is really, really good in this funeral home and there’s just something about grief that gets you going, you should probably save it until at least the body is buried.

A photo at a gun range right after a shooting


Guys love guns, so if you’re holding a gun, then guys will love you, right? Wrong. In the days following a national tragedy, people are posting about guns to raise awareness for [insert political cause here]. You should not add to the conversation by posting a photo of yourself holding a gun like it’s a d*ck in order to raise awareness of your thirst. There’s no way you’re going to spark a debate about whether or not you look tasty as vital as our national debate on gun control.

A photo of yourself looking like a snack with the caption “no filter”, but it’s filtered


If you’re going to set a trap, you’re going to have to use some sort of subterfuge. But lying about the filtering of your photo is just deceitful. And it’s wrong. Someone is going to call you out for using “Valencia”, and everyone who’s falling for your thirst trap is going to say, “Ugh. I’m gonna go drink from a different well.”

Your junk


Thanks, but no thanks. Keep your junk in your trunks. Always.

Posting a photo of a glass of water


Hey, it sounds like you don’t know what “thirst trap” means? “Thirsty” is slang for “horny”, and not “needing something to drink.” A glass of water is going to do nothing, unless it’s a very sexy, sexy glass of water.

Complaining about someone ghosting you, but you’re an actual ghost yourself


Hypocrite much? You can’t complain about someone ghosting you when you’re a spirit just hanging around haunting mortals! The person who responds to your thirst trap is going to show up at your house, and your mom’s going to tell them, “My daughter has been dead for 16 years.” So like, why even post it?

Would you post any of these thirst traps? Let us know on Twitter!