Funny Articles

Top 10 Sexiest Jobs

By  | 

Throw away that Starbucks job application, toss that McDonald’s name tag in the trash, here are some professions that you should shift your gaze to. Some of these jobs require a little more than just a pretty face, and others may require abs “The Situation” would be proud of.

Regardless, here’s a collection of some of the most swoon-worthy professionals that’ll give you a whole new kind of motivation to ‘get to work.’


1. Bikini-clad Barista

It seems implausible, unorthodox, unbearably cold for a work environment but shockingly true: There is a coffee shop in the middle of Michigan where its female baristas are always clad in either bikini or lingerie. (Yes, you read that right.) What started off as a simple theme day turned out to be such a hit with the locals that they made it a mandatory uniform: come to work in your sexiest duds and the tips will surely follow.


2. Fireman

An oldie, but a goodie. Firemen have stood the test of time as being one of the sexiest jobs you could ever have, especially if you’re a man. Who could resist the huge arm muscles you build while climbing up the sides of buildings to get to a fire? Who could deny the overall physical fitness that comes with a job where you’re essentially a hero for a living? And of course, what could be more sexy than someone risking their lives to save yours? I need not say more.


3. Masseuse

There’s something undeniably attractive about someone who knows every muscle in your body and just how to touch it. Plus, the men and women that work in this profession tend to have this glow to them, this “I know exactly how to attain enlightenment by way of massaging all of my most tense muscles and it’s the absolute greatest,” that glow alone is ridiculously attractive.


4. Stunt Double

Look, it’s virtually impossible to be just as ridiculously handsome and god-like as Robert Pattinson. But what’s the next best thing? Looking just as ridiculously handsome as Robert Pattinson from behind. I’ll take it.


5. Tattoo Artist

A refined taste, I know but the tattoo artist is a dead ringer for the top 10 sexiest jobs. Think about it: Your skin is your profession, much like a masseuse. You need to show the client what you’re good at using your own body as your artistic portfolio. Skin, skin, skin; body, body, body. Insert something ridiculously sexy right here. You get where I’m going.


6. Hot Dog On A Stick Girl

I was one told by a fellow girl that I was “Hot Dog on a Stick girl pretty,” and I have never received a better compliment. Hot Dog on a Stick girls are cute, spunky, and humble (you have to be after being forced into that vibrant whirlwind of polyester that is their uniform.) They’re always the nicest, cheeriest girls in the mall; all smiles and positivity. Why wouldn’t you want to go on a date with that? Answer: You just do.


7. Chocolatier

Chocolates are still considered one of the best aphrodisiacs available in stores, and so it’s no surprise that the fine crafters of such heavenly gifts from the decadent gods should be considered sexy by default. Another aspect that makes this profession all the sexier: it requires tons of finger-licking.


8. Dog Walker

Dog Walkers tend to be cheery, optimistic and fit people. I often see them rounding the corner of my neighborhood with a huge brood of dogs, smiling away in the sun. They always look like the kind of people that can gush about the adorable quality of a dachsund and then talk about wonderful their day was despite it being slightly unproductive. They’re the kind of people you want to call your girlfriend or boyfriend, and then when you’re out of town they’ll take care of your pitbull. It’s a win-win.


9. Red Bull Girl

Once you set foot on a college campus you’ll quickly learn that there are all sorts of alternative jobs abound, mostly in the realm of being a representative for a large company with the college kid as their average demographic. Sometimes this includes: Apple Computers Campus Rep, Disney Campus Rep, and then there’s the rep’s on the funner side of the scale: The Red Bull Rep. Here’s a job where skimpier clothing is encouraged, driving around in a giant red bull can is required, and the looks of joy and happiness on college student’s faces as you roll up and give them free red bull is inevitable. I’m contemplating signing up just as I type this, you should too.


10. Comic Con Model

A trip to Comic Con will reveal many different things for the average nerd: Free movie screenings, free promotional gifts for future TV shows and movies, and of course free flyers from a crew of ‘Comic Con Models’ who are there as eyecandy as well as a street team for whatever company they’re answering to. These girls have been combed out of an extensive auditioning process to prove that they’re the sexiest girls for the job in order to grab the attention of the male nerd population. (Guys: If you haven’t purchased your Comic Con tickets for next year by the end of reading this, then there’s just no hope for you.)


Check Out Comicon Dos And Don'ts!