Top 7 Disney Frenemies
From best friends to best foes, we all seem to have them: frenemies. One moment they are our totes BFF and the next moment they are, well, totes not. Our lives are ridden with those we love to hate and hate to love. Though our beloved Disney characters are immune to many human grievances, such as venereal disease (For now. Pixar, get on it.), sadly they are unable to escape this particular affliction. Here is my list of top 8 Disney Frenemies.
Marlin and DORY – Finding Nemo
You know those “friends” that you just want to punch in the face? Enter Marlin and Dory. During an argument, Marlin “accidentally” gives Dory a nosebleed. Accidental? PLEASE. Sounds like the defense of a FREAKIN’ clown fish if you ask me. To be fair, Marlin does his very best to let Dory down easy. “No, of course I like you. It’s because I like you I don’t want to be with you. It’s a complicated emotion”. I think it’s time to pull out the old tub of Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food, because I’m sorry sweetie, but he’s just not that fin to you.
SNOW WHITE and THE SEVEN DWARFS – Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs
Let’s just be real about what is going on here. SW is not the dwarfs’ friend. She is their full time housekeeper. The dwarfs are unwavering on their mission to send her packing, until she happens to mentions that she can cook and clean. GURL GOT PLAYED. Listen, I’m a firm believer that it’s proper houseguest etiquette to tidy after yourself, but a 14-year old girl should never be expected to pick up somebody’s dirty, super tiny socks for no pay. The fantasy world child labor laws really screwed the pooch on this one.
WOODY and BUZZ LIGHTYEAR – Toy Story
Boy oh Boy, are these boys girls?? Between the popularity contest that initiates the entire trilogy (But, really. Like who’s going to be crowned prom queen? If it’s not me, I’ll die. Like dead die. ), Buzz’s illusions of grandeur (You need to be realistic about where you belong in this world, Buzz), Woody’s constant flight risk in order to hang with someone better (Andy. Most boring kid ever, Andy) and the oh so stereotypical cat fight in TS, Woody and Buzz’s relationship story reads like a DVD extra on Mean Girls.
TIMON and PUMBAA – The Lion King
Don’t you have those friends that are constantly disappearing? They are regularly checking out of the friendship and choosing when it is convenient for them to engage in a two- sided relationship. That’s some hard shizz. Timon and Pumbaa have no connection to this whatsoever, as they are friends-‘til-the-end. However, Pumbaa does get easily distracted and literally disappears, so THAT’S FRUSTRATING.
RALPH and VANELLOPE VON SHWEETZ– Wreck-It Ralph
Are we really expected to believe Olympic athletes/teammates are truly friends? NO WAY, JOSE RAMIREZ (US Olympic Boxer in the 2012 London games). Vanellope and Ralph both need to obtain a gold medal in order to free them from their own prisons. Venellope prevails in quintessential kid fashion- not based on merit or skill, but because Ralph simply gets too exhausted to pursue his own goal. “It turns out I don’t need a medal to be a good guy, ‘cause if that little kid loves me, how bad can I be?”- classic sound of a kid crushing an adult’s hopes, dreams and life’s work. Right, mom?? Maybe in Wreck- It Ralph 2 there will be a new video game called Resentment Adventure. All in all, my point is that gold medals were created to destroy friendships. And also, I won’t be having kids. (100%)
ARIEL and FLOUNDER – The Little Mermaid
Can we say, third wheel much? She didn’t carve out even a sliver of mental energy for Flounder, yet his entire focus is placed on her. All she can think about is the prince and becoming human, to what now? Jump and Dance? IS SHE CRAZY? Does she really think she can become a professional dancer or jump roper in this or any past/present/future economy? SHEESH. To be fair, it’s extremely difficult to maintain a balanced friendship when one is dealing with a vicious anxiety disorder and the other is a gross, gross hoarder. These are prime examples of just how flawed our underwater healthcare system is. Sigh.
WALL-E and THE COCKROACH – WALL-E
Cockroach? Try, cock block. AM I RIGHT?
Who do you think are the best frenemies? Let me know in the comments or on Twitter.