The Top Absolute Worst One Direction Lyrics
One Direction is a popular boy band now, I guess. I don't know what you kids are listening to. For British robots whose style and music is constructed and paid for by massive corporations who strive to ensure that they are as bland and inoffensive as possible, they sure have some catchy tunes! Still, the team of scientists who threw them together writes some godawful lyrics, and I'm old and angry and here is an article about that.
"Don't look back/But, if we don't look back/We're only learning then/How to make all the same mistakes again"
I… what? Which one is it? Why make a declarative statement, only to spend three lines disagreeing with yourself? Is… is this how British jokes work? If so, I'd like to try one: "One Direction is a good band/But they sing lyrics like this/Which have zero regard for common sense/Don't listen to One Direction."
"When you smile at the ground, it ain't hard to tell/You don't know you're beautiful"
I think she has bigger problems than not knowing she's beautiful, dude.
"With just one look/When I saw your face/I fell in love"
It's bad enough that this sends a horrible message to young people of both genders. (Boys, go up to strangers and tell them you're in love with them! Girls, it's okay for someone to love you based on seeing your face once!) Worse is the fact that we only know about her face. Does she have other parts? Or is she just a face in a jar? Considering that he is accusing her of "stealing his heart," it is fair to assume that this song takes place in a reality where organs can survive on their own. Directioners, know that your teen idol keeps a wad of skin and cartilage alive with black magic and that he uses it in sex crimes.
"He takes your hand/I die a little/I watch your eyes/And I'm in riddles"
There are no riddles in here, 1D. This is a riddle: What has ten eyes, zero integrity, and keeps a girl's disembodied face alive with evil sorcery? Post an answer in the comments for your chance to be embarrassed in two years that someone making fun of a boy band once hurt your feelings!
"You keep making me weak/Yeah, frozen and can't breathe"
Sometimes, when a man loves a woman and hates himself very much, he asks her to crush his windpipe. What does that have to do with this lyric? You be the judge!
"I'm so sorry, I'm so confused/Just tell me, am I out of time?"
When Brits begin a sentence with "I'm so sorry, I'm so confused," they usually finish it with, "I shall obtain the additional sugar cube for your tea post-haste." If ever there were any doubt that 1D is full of British nancyboys, this lyric should obliterate that doubt quicker than the band's memory will be obliterated from the earth when the member who's obviously more talented than the rest pulls a Timberlake and goes solo. (Which one is it? Fight about it in the comments and see how little you actually have in common, Directioners!)
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