A Tour Inside The Secret Pokemon Military Training Academy
Worried over reports that Pokemon, notoriously radical creatures, had recently through underground channels procured several thousand Cold-War era Russian machine guns, SMOSH sent out a field reporter to see what he could uncover. Were Pokemon amassing a secret right-wing militia on Pokemon Island hell bent on overthrowing the United States? See for yourself below what our reporter saw with his own eyes:
Blastoise Based Nuclear Launch Facility
Aerial photos show the Pokemon have installed a Blastoise in which they have loaded nuclear missiles aimed, we have learned, directly at New York, Los Angeles, and Washington D.C., respectively.
The Fate Of Our First Reporter
Having uncovered our secret reporter, the Pokemon sent us this rather ominous picture of the fate of the intruder.
This picture was taken by our only surviving reporter. It was taken in what were apparently dozens of weapons storage rooms. This one was guarded by a Togepi named "Radar," whom our undercover reporter briefly befriend. The Togepi's long winded meandering, nonsensical monologues about Barack Obama being half-Jew half-lizard were, at best, frightening.
The Evening Flag Burning
Every evening at the Pokemon Ultra-Right wing secret para-military base the Pokemon gather in the central square in uniform rows and watch with relish as Charmanders set dozens of American Flags ablaze in a symbolic display of their lust to destroy what they perceive as their "Great Oppressor."
A Sizeable Standing Army
Reports vary but speculate at somewhere between 12-22,000 disaffected Pokemon have joined their ranks. The legions of Bulbasaur are especially troublesome as our reporter was able to uncover (before we stopped receiving communications from him) that Military scientists working for the secret army were using scrapings from Bulbasaurs to create biological weapons.
If anyone has any information about our reporter please let us know. Our last missive from him was in email form. It said, "I'm concerned that Radar is beginning to get suspicious about me. I am worried he may blow my cover. Yesterday he 'jokingly' pressed his gun against my temple and went on about how he was glad I'm not a 'jew lizard' like the Obamas. But there wasn't any mirth in his eyes. Please… tell my wife I love her."
What will you when right wing Pokemon militia take us over? Let us know in the comments!