How to Trick People Into Thinking You Were at Coachella
Coachella isn’t just the greatest music festival of our generation. It’s the greatest music festival of all time. If you’re not going to Coachella, you’re going to miss out on a lot. But just because you’re not going to catch Beyonce’s killer performance or the Tupac hologram, you don’t have to let your friends know you’re not going to catch Beyonce’s killer performance or the Tupac hologram! Here’s how to trick everyone into thinking you went to at least one weekend of this insane music festival… from the comfort of your own home.
Make sure you’re doing it on the right weekend
Coachella is a two-weekend festival in April. You have a 50/50 chance of getting it right. Don’t worry about looking up the festival’s acts, however. If you post about Eminem on the wrong weekend, just say that he showed up for a surprise set and only people who actually were there would know about it. Because Coachella is that cool, and so are you.
Use the event’s official hashtags
It’s technically #CoachellaWeekend no matter where you are. You don’t have to be in #CoachellaValley to Tweet “These art installations at #Coachella are insane!” Because if you’re looking at the coverage of the #CoachellaConcert, it’s not a lie. You’re just failing to mention that you’re still at #Home, and that’s not technically #Wrong.
Take selfies while wearing a buckskin bikini and feathers
The important thing about faking a Coachella outfit is wearing swimwear that is not for swimming. Find another culture — any culture — and appropriate it. It doesn’t even have to be a human culture. And you don’t even have to post a caption with your selfie. Your friends will scroll past and think, “Why are they wearing that? Oh. Duh. Coachella.”
Give yourself heat exhaustion
On Monday, when you see your friends, you’ll be super dehydrated and sunburnt, giving the illusion that you were baking in the sun at the music festival all weekend long. It’s like spending time in a tanning bed to make people think you were at a beach, but more extreme. But then again, Coachella is extreme.
Take a photo of something else and say it was Cardi B
Pro tip: a blurry photo of a Christmas light surrounded by darkness is going to look the same as a photo of Cardi B on stage from the length of two football fields away. But whatever you do — don’t Google photos of Cardi B at Coachella and post them as your own. You’re going to get found out.
Talk about the acts in vague details
Say that Beyonce’s appearance was “life changing”. If anyone presses you for details, talk about how it was so crowded/ you were so high/ the bathroom lines were so long/ you were stuck in traffic and so you couldn’t really see it up close. But you do know you were in the presence of greatness because you were 100 percent at Coachella and not at all in your bedroom watching Netflix all weekend.
Is pretending to be at Coachella better than actually going to Coachella? Let us know on Twitter!