Funny Articles

Video Game Characters My Dad Would Beat in a Fight

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Dads are a complicated lot. While each of them is unique, like a snowflake, each of them is also somehow kind of the same, like a snow flake. Nice job, dads! Anyway, having the old “my Dad could beat up your Dad” debate is pointless in this new age of technology, but do you know what conversation is worth having? Whether or not my Dad could beat up video game characters! Let’s investigate…

My dad can beat up Kratos from God of War


You think KRATOS is cold and emotionally closed off? That’s nothing compared to Jeffrey Weldon. If Kratos demeaningly told my Dad to not ask questions, my father would glare at him unceasing until Kratos apologized and referred to him as “sir”.

My dad can beat up Crash Bandicoot from Crash Bandicoot


One time my dad sat with his shotgun, on top of a table, waiting for a mouse to appear from its hole. He waited for five hours in the middle of the night, then blasted a hole in the wall and floor, simply to kill a single mouse. What I’m saying is that my father will do whatever it takes, even at great personal expense, to defeat an animal foe.

My dad can beat up Ash from Pokemon


If you think somebody goes down quick after a water, or grass, or psychic based attack, you should see what happens when they get a good fist in the mouth from ol’ Jeff Weldon.

My dad can beat up Cloud from Final Fantasy VII


Prone to moodiness and depression, Cloud would be highly susceptible to my father’s withering dismissal of all emotional health concerns. “Oh, grow up,” he’d say as Cloud sulked about seeing both his hometown and mentor completely destroyed.

My dad can beat up Sweet Tooth from Twisted Metal


One time when my dad was in his Ford Focus, he beat a 20-something-year-old guy driving a Mustang in a street race. God only knows what he could do if he also had a chain gun on the roof.

My dad can beat up that Giggling Dog from Duck Hunt


My father was never one for silliness.

Neither your “videos” nor your “games” mean anything to him.