Funny Articles

Video Game Characters’ New Year’s Resolutions

By  | 

Thanks to repetitive play, video game characters experience the same things every day of their lives. So it’s no surprise that they long for something different. And so I share with you a few video game characters’ plans for a big change in 2012.




“I will stop running around with mushrooms, fighting turtles, racing go karts, playing baseball, flying in space, participating in the Olympics with some hedgehog and traveling through time to work at my now almost-bankrupt plumbing business.”


Master Chief


“After years of almost never speaking and refusing to show my face, I promise to finally open up to friends and family by taking off my helmet and expressing my true feelings through an evening of emotionally raw slam poetry.”




“Having repeatedly and drastically changed my appearance from adventure to adventure, I vow to put away my Master Sword and Light Arrows and have that sex change operation I always needed to find my one true look.”


Lara Croft


“I am going to go from video game convention to comic con to even car shows and tell every single floor model there to stop dressing like me and just start wearing the Princess Leia slave girl outfit from ‘The Return of the Jedi’ instead.”





“As a man who has done nothing but focus entirely on his mission, exacting horrible, violent revenge with almost a complete lack of morals, I will finally find inner peace by enrolling in those gardening and pottery classes at the adult education annex.”


”Grand Theft Auto” Streetwalker


“I will finally get my graduate school degree.”


Angry Birds


“We will continue to devote our lives to attacking pigs, retrieving eggs and searching for the answer to why our ancestors mated with beach balls so that we now need a slingshot to fly.”

What are some other video game character's who need to make some resolutions? Let us know in the comments!

Check Out Overlooked Video Game Characters That Deserve Their Own Game!