10 Video Game Power-ups That Would Make School Way Easier
School is super hard. Video games are super hard. For some reason, only one of these things has power-ups to help you out. It’s ridiculous that science has been around for like 50 years or something and they still haven’t made one power-up to use at school. The closest thing is a Hall Pass, but all that lets you do wander around in the hallways during class. What a Hall Pass should do is open up a portal that lets you instantly travel anywhere in the school. They’re probably never going to make any, but it’s still nice to dream. Here are videogame power-ups that would make school way easier.
Wonder Gummi (Pokemon Mystery Dungeon)
Eating a Wonder Gummi will increase a Pokemon’s intelligence by 15 points. That’s a huge jump. If I could have eaten a Wonder Gummi then maybe I wouldn’t have had to have ridden the short bus to school every day. I would have been upgraded to the medium bus.
Invisibility (Quake 3)
Invisibility in Quake 3 is one of the sweetest powerups. Some people would use it to go hang out in the locker room to stare at people’s junk. That’s just creepy. In school, knowledge is power. You’d be able to find out what everyone thinks about you. Of course, the only thing you’d probably find out is that no one likes you enough to talk about you behind your back. Everyone would think that your school was haunted by a crying ghost.
Hypnotize (Bioshock 2)
Hypnotize is used to make enemies fight each other. This would be really useful when you’re getting chewed out by a teacher for something stupid. Use hypnotize, sit back, and enjoy watching the teacher suddenly turn her attention to the person in class that you like the least. That’s what you get for making fun of my sweater vests, Trent!
Power Sneakers (Sonic)
I was generally a good kid, but the one thing that I always got in trouble for was being late to 2nd period. Between 1st and 2nd period was when I had my daily doo-doo deposit. I shouldn’t be punished for being regular. I should be celebrated like a king on a porcelain throne. Sonic’s Power Sneakers let you run super fast so that you’d have plenty of time to take a megadump between periods and still make it to class on time.
Pizza (TMNT 2: The Arcade Game)
In TMNT, you eat pizza to get extra health so it’s nothing too special. I just love eating pizza. Do you know how awesome it would be if you were walking around your school’s campus and found random delicious pizza everywhere? I don’t care how much you don’t like your school. No place that gives you free random pizza could be all that bad.
Franklin Badge (Smash Bros.)
The Franklin Badge protects you from all projectiles. That’ll really come in handy next to you’re starring in a school play that was written by one of your teachers. Your fellow students are going to throw rotten fruit at you. Can you blame them? No one should ever have to sit through Hannah Montana: The Movie: The Play. At least with the Franklin Badge, all of the rotten fruit that everyone throws at you will just bounce right off of you.
All-Night Mask (LoZ: Majora’s Mask)
Like most sane people, I waited until the last possible minute to work on big papers. Why work on something for months if you can finish it in one night? This mask makes it so you can’t fall asleep while you’re wearing it. Sure, it’s technically a “torture” device, but I don’t really like how coffee tastes so this seems like a way better option.
Copy Flower (Mario and Luigi: Partners In Time)
The Copy Flower is used to make like 20 copies of Mario and Luigi so they can team up with themselves to beat the snap out of bad guys. It’s way better than cloning because it makes a lot more copies and you don’t have to do any science stuff. You could use one of the copies to go to class for you and do all of your homework. The rest of the copies will make up both teams in an epic daily kickball game. That’s living the good life, my friends/
Samba Burst (Angry Birds Rio)
Every middle school “dance” I ever went to didn’t have a lot of dancing going on. The Samba Burst turns an Angry Bird into a Samba Bird that dances around uncontrollably. Sometimes it only takes one person to change the world. Saving a dance isn’t quite as important as saving the world, but you know what I mean. If you get out there and start cutting a rug, maybe you’ll be able to inspire your classmates to hit the dance floor too. The other option is just standing awkwardly by the wall of the gym waiting for your mom to come pick you up.
Cat Hood (Final Fantasy VI)
Dumb hoodies with cat ears on them have gotten super popular. It’d be nice if they at least had some of practical purpose. While wearing this hood, you get double the money after a battle. Most jobs you get while in school pay almost nothing. If you could get double the pay, you could roll around school in your Cat Hood like a total baller. Pizza and chicken sandwiches are on me today, you guys.
What are some other powerups that would make school easier? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!