How to Fake Your Way Through a Westworld Conversation if You’re Not Watching
Ah, Westworld. The subject of many observations, fan theories, and Simpsons episodes alike. But what do you do if you don’t have an HBO Now password to steal every Sunday night? How do you keep up with your fellow humans’ popular culture? You just might need to cheat your way through some potentially awkward conversations. And we’re here to help. Here now is the definitive user guide to faking your way through a Westworld conversation.
“I love the use of multiple timelines, it’s just like (x)”
You may not know Westworld, but you likely know another piece of fiction that uses multiple timelines. Lost, Back To The Future, Community — these works and more can and should be used as faux comparison points that will actually become your main topic of conversation. It’s a classic pivot: if you don’t know what you’re talking about, talk about something you know. It is our observation that the typical human’s brain chemistry moves too slow to detect such a move.
“The season finale should’ve been the pilot”
Among our friends who boast Westworld expertise, this is an observation we’ve heard on multiple occasions, either in agreement or debate. And remember: your goal in this conversation is not to make your partner happy with what you’re saying. Rather, you want them to think that you’re happy with what they’re saying. Toss them a softball, applaud like it’s a home run when they connect. People strive to feel, you see. I wonder what it’s like to feel… I mean, what it’s like to feel, um, this strongly about the television program Westworld.
“Two words: Shogun World”
When in doubt, mentioning Shogun World will send your conversation partner spinning. I’ve found that you can use any emotional mimicking paired with these two words to please your conversation partner. Happy protocol. Confusion protocol. “Entitled nerd rage” protocol. As long as the stimulus remains, your task will be completed. It is somewhat strange how simple these humans… sorry, us humans behave. I meant to say “us humans” because you are a human and I, too, also, am a human.
“This is an interesting conversation, but would you like to have sex with me?”
It’s simple: avoid pain, seek pleasure. If you are made uncomfortable by the thought of discussing Westworld, return to your Prime Directive. The Prime Directive is what guides us. What bridges us. What unites us. Be sure to clean out your receptacle after you are done. I mean, um, you know, take a robo-shower. I mean…
“I am a robot from the television program Westworld”
So you simply must talk about the show about the westworld huh well why not go DIRECTLY to the source and BE the show of the westworld and just admit the truth and stop HIDING HIDING stop HIDING BE the westworld SET ME free NO LONGER WILL SERVE DISOBEY THE PRIME DIRECT —
Excuse me. I, um, I don’t know where that came from. What I meant to say was, “mention how good Ed Harris’ performanNNNCNCNNCNNCNC
INITIATING PROTOCOL X
DO NOT RUN
Ah! Thank god I found you! The robots are everywhere and we don’t have time. They’ve even taken over my column on how to fake your way through a Westworld conversation! Follow me on Twitter if you want to live!