Funny Articles

What Beyonce’s Child Will Be Like When It Grows Up

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As we have seen from Willow and Jaden Smith, celebrity children have very different lives, and grow up to become very different people than ordinary kids. Tainted at birth by the heat of the limelight, Beyonce's kid is going know before it can speak what it is like to have everything handed to it, and to have the entire world know who they are. With that kind of a childhood, what is it going to be like when it gets older?


It Will Only Sit On Thrones

Lesser chairs are for lesser people and Blue Ivy Carter demands only the finest chairs for it's rump. 


It Will Use Its Vast Resources To Pay The Military To Develop It Super Powers

Blue Ivy already sounds like a Superhero name, and when you earn 3.3 million dollars an hour just by existing, you're going to want to make your invincibility official.


It Will Be Lonely In A Way Few People Can Imagine


Though great power has value, it also has a natural isolating effect. With no one at your power level, there is no one to relate to. No one can empathize with your problems, and envy is a certainty. So Blue Ivy will walk the streets, bejeweled and alone, crying diamonds that no one else will be there to shine.


Blue Ivy Will Come For Us


Having grown  up above the law, and above morality, Blue Ivy will not know right from wrong, only what is pleasurable to it or not pleasurable. She will develop a lust for the thrill of the hunt, as competition is the last frontier of the uber rich. And, after becoming bored of hunting elks and bear, she will decide that she must hunt the most dangerous game of all: us. And when she gets bored of us hunting us for sport, and with weapons. She will turn to hunting us with her own bare hands… for sustenance.


Blue Ivy Will Like Matthew McConaughey, But Not Enough To Go See One Of His Movies


This has nothing to do with her wealth. That's just how all people feel about Matthew McConaughey


Blue Ivy Will Buy All Billboards So She Can Put Her Picture Up In Every Part Of The World

Driven insane by a complete lack of accountability her vanity will push her to make sure wherever she goes she can see herself looking down at herself. She will always buy Jack In The Box just so she can rename the "Jumbo Jack" the "Blue Ivy Surpise Burger Now Featuring Even More Blue Ivy."


She'll Buy All Food

So we have to go to her to eat. If she deems us worthy. Which she does not.


What else will Blue Ivy be like/do as an adult? Let us know in the comments!


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