What To Do To Make Your Girlfriend’s Parents Like You
Listen here SMOSHers, it ain't easy to get them there girlfriend's parents to like you. It ain't! You've never had it so hard! Trust me, your girlfriend's parents, and especially her father (mostly due to Freudian psycho-sexual attachment issues) spend most of their time plotting how much they're going to not like you. So what can you to win them over? There are ways! Here are them:
Dress All Fancy Like
Dressing in a typical white upper class fashion makes them feel like you respect them, and that their little girl isn't going to stumble home at 5 in the morning with a tattoo of a skull and the words "I heart Dereck" on her lower back. Don't worry, it doesn't mean you actually have to respect them, it just tricks them. See, what they don't know is that anyone can wear any clothes.
Call Her Father "Sir"
Guys over 30 who have daughters like to be called "Sir" even though they technically haven't been knighted. Bonus points if you refer to her mother as "madam," "matriarch," or "Go in the kitchen and cover your ears while the men talk."
Wear a Promise Ring When Picking Your Girlfriend Up
That way her parents think you're waiting until you get married to have sex. Pro Tip: Remember, the promise ring trick doesn't work as well if you are sweatily licking the promise ring and staring at her mother's chest.
Loudly Talk About How You Want To Get Into Harvard
Everyone who goes to Harvard is better than anyone else. If you go to Harvard you get to meet all the sons and daughters of the people who have all the money and rule the world. Your girlfriend's parents, for some reason, think it's really important that she be with a guy that can buy her a multi-level house with an infinity pool and illegal immigrant servants. Whether or not you actually love her is of little relevance to them compared to whether or not you can buy her a dog that costs over $10,000 and not blink an eye.
Don't Have Lizards Spilling Out Of Your Jeans
Having so many lizards in your pants that they are crawling and pouring in droves out of the waste of your jeans and spilling out of the bottom of your pants is liable to make any girlfriend's parents question your way of life. If you can't help having that many lizards in your trousers make sure to at least duct tape around the bottom and waste of your jeans so they don't start spilling everywhere.
Rarely Bite Her Mother On Her Head
You don't want to never bite her mother on her head. Every girlfriend's mother wants to be bit on the head sometimes, but use this resource sparingly. A few bites go a long way, too many bites and it looks like your forcing it.
Wear Sunglasses Inside
Sunglasses make you look cool, and the number one priority of parents of girlfriends is that her boyfriend be cool. So when you are sitting around being introduced to them make sure to answer any question they ask you like, "So what are you plans after school," or, "Are you enjoying your classes," by coolly lowering your shades, winking, and then raising your shades.
What are some other ways you can get your girlfriend's parents to like you? Let us know in the comments!