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Why Reality Television Is Destroying Your Mind

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Nothing about reality television is healthy for you. Reality television is the TV equivalent of Doritos. It tastes good, but if you look at the ingredients it reads like the kind of things you would find in an evil mad scientist's laboratory. Your time would be better spent watching a monkey pee in it's own mouth than watching The Situation get mad at a mirror because he thinks the mirror wants to fight him. Look at all the different things reality television does to your poor brain.


Jersey Shore: Reinforces stereotypes


During wartime opposing sides will spread propaganda diminishing the group they are fighting to their most basic, awful characteristics. This dehumanzing process makes it easier to fight them, because you don't feel as bad. Jersey Shore, much like World War II era propaganda, makes Italians look like body obsessed mentally handicapped neanderthals so unlikable that I just saw a Miracle Whip commercial where they paid Pauly D to say he doesn't like their product. And what are you learning about the human condition while watching Jersey Shore? That you shouldn't get in a hot tub if there's a condom floating in it?


The Bachelor: Money IS everything


The list of bad lessons this show teaches is endless. For a guy to be "worthwhile" he merely has to be rich and hot. His personality is without value. Such relevant questions as, "Are you actually a nice guy?" and "Are you a hitter?" are eliminated in favor of him smiling a lot so his teeth can gleam. The women are treated so similarly to cattle that I'm surprised the bachelor doesn't inspect their teeth and hooves for foot and mouth disease. Not to mention the fact that it turns the process of falling in love into a f**king game show that takes place over a season of television, which the last time I checked, is about as conducive to falling in love as having a potential suitor throw rocks at you because he thinks it's funny when you get hit by rocks.


Bridalplasty: Women Are Our Frankesteins


Reality television got tired of merely metaphorically objectifying women so they decided to take it into the realm of the literal. Bridalplasty gives "lucky" brides a chance to be permanently physically altered by knives and plastic to not look like themselves for the rest of their lives. Teaching women the important lesson that the even though someone already agreed to marry you, you should have such low self esteem that you'd let a stranger take knives to your face.


Who's Your Daddy?: Nothing Is Private


An Adopted woman who has spent her whole life trying to figure out who her real father is is brought to a strange place she has never been before where 25 men pretend to be her father, 24 of which are lying, all for the amusement of a faceless group of people watching her from behind a one-way mirror. Sound like the plot of a horror movie, or the kind of dream you wish you could wake up from but you can't? Nope! Instead it's the plot of a reality TV that FOX thought would be a good idea. Proving that the formula for reality television is: Would this be hurtful to the people involved + How callous can we be about human misery = Now that's what I call television.


American Idol: Fame Or Die


Fame is an addiction caused by abandonment issues and an incapacity to feel love, or, according to American Idol: the only thing worth living for. Have you ever actually met a famous person? Do you know what they're like? Remember the time Martin Lawrence had to be taken to the hospital because he passed out from running around in the park in a fat suit waving a gun around? Yeah, that's what fame does. Go for it kids.


Breaking Bonaduce: Licking Salted Wounds


Speaking of what fame does kids, check out what it did to Danny Bonaduce by trolling through any one of these debauched episodes. The entire of premise of the show was watching a broken man torn apart by an abusive childhood and the pressures of celebrity slowly self-destruct. This is show is so empty of moral integrity it even has the word "breaking" in it to prove to you that the point of watching the show is to participate in the breaking of a human being. To put this into modern terms it would be like playing Pokemon if the point of the game Pokemon was to get Pikachu addicted to hard drugs and then put him in a series of ever more dangerous situations so you could watch him make increasingly bad decisions for the amusement of Bulbasaur and Charmander, who were both placing bets on when he would finally die.


What else does reality TV do to your mind:? Let us know in the comments!


Check Out The Life Lessons I've Learned From Reality Television!