Why Seth MacFarlane Sucks
Seth MacFarlane has had quite an accomplished career – he created Family Guy, one of the most successful cartoons of all time, and recently directed Ted, the highest grossing R-rated comedy of all time. But screw him. He sucks. Allow me to explain.
The Dude Doesn’t Know How to Write a Joke
Listen, folks – a stupid pop culture reference does not a joke make. Merely saying the name “Gary Coleman” is not a joke. Hell, even showing Gary Coleman while you say “Gary Coleman” isn’t a joke. The same goes for the twenty-plus cut-away shots that pad every single Family Guy script.
The Dude’s Been Eating Lunch on the Same Idea for Years
The dude's made the same damn TV show, like, three times…and the movie he made ALSO involved loveable schlubs interacting with a naughty talking animal. I’m not saying he has to write a heart wrenching drama about a kid with cancer, but come on! Can’t he show a little range at some point?
The Dude Thinks He’s Frank Sinatra
He fancies himself a mediocre swing singer. It was bad enough when your grandma got into Michael Bublé – now there’s another nostalgia act you have to tolerate listening to whenever you go to her house (which, thankfully, isn’t often). MacFarlane recorded his vanity album "Music is Better Than Words" in the same room as Sinatra recorded many of his albums, and even used the same microphone as Old Blue Eyes. Someone should “fly him to the moon” and leave him there.
The Dude Thinks He’s Competent Enough to Reboot The Flintstones
He had the hubris, the unmitigated GALL, to try and reboot The Flintstones, a.k.a. one of the best cartoons that has ever existed. Not only that, but he wanted to voice Barney. I mean…could you imagine?!? Luckily, Fox pulled the plug on this monstrosity before it came to pass.
The Dude Thinks He’s On the Same Level as Carl Sagan
He donated money to create “The Seth MacFarlane Collection of the Carl Sagan and Ann Druyan Archive at the Library of Congress.” Permanently attaching his name to that of legendary astrophysicist Carl Sagan is unforgivable – it’s like Pauly Shore funding “The Pauly Shore Collection of Albert Einstein’s Tasty Research, ‘Bra.”
The Dude Put Words in a Cartoon Ace Ventura’s Mouth
He wrote for the positively dreadful, universally despised cartoon version of Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. How that show was allowed to live for three seasons is a mystery.
The Dude’s Straight Up Delusional
"I would place Lois Griffin above Marge Simpson any day of the week." He said that. In an interview. I read it. And somehow didn’t send a bomb to his place of business.
The Dude’s Smug as Hell
His face is just so damn punchable. He looks like the smug, evil jock in an 80's high school comedy. Ugh, I get it! You dated Amanda Bynes pre-drug induced meltdown! Good for you, schmuck!
Why do you think Family Guy rules and I totally drool? Let me know in the comments!