Funny Articles

Why Yoshi Would Not Make A Good Pet

By  | 

We all want a cute Yoshi for a pet. Every last one of us. Who wouldn't want a faithful Yoshi to ride around the city showing off to your friends? But, like any pet, there are things about owning a Yoshi that can make it seem like it's more trouble that it's worth. For instance:


They Are Constantly Laying Eggs


Yeah, sometimes the eggs have coins in them, but most of the time they have other Yoshis. And your yard is only so big.


Their Tongue Is Unusually Sticky And Powerful


Yoshis are like dogs in that they love to lick and kiss you! Which would be a delight except that the average Yoshi tongue has over 6,000 pounds of crushing force, and is sticky enough to remove 17 layers of skin.


It Wrankles The Fundamentalists


They last thing you need is a bunch of evangelicals protesting outside your house 24/7 because you own a dinosaur.


Their Urine Is A Powerful Acid


Capable of melting through steel, Yoshi urine is so potent that a single drop can melt through human bone in less time than it takes for a butterly to flap its wings. If even a little of Yoshi's urine (and they are NOT easy to house train) gets on your cat, your cat will be a liquid puddle on the floor before you have time to say your last goodbye.


Good Luck Keeping Apples Around


These sons of b*tches can't let an apple stay uneaten. It's hella annoying.


They're Serious Couch Potatoes


Within a few months of owning your Yoshi he'll be fat and sloppy on the couch, spooning cheap ass ice cream into his mouth with a rolled up newspaper and burping his way through The Price is Right reruns.


Wayyyyy Too Into Fleet Foxes


Yeah, the Fleet Foxes are OK, but dude, Yoshi can't get enough. Only buy a Yoshi if you're cool with hearing the Fleet Foxes blasting 24/7, even when the mood calls for something less chill.


Why else not own a Yoshi? Let us know in the comments!


Check Out Powers Kirby Would Get If He Ate The Cast Of Glee!