Funny Articles

Woman Dies 114 Times

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I’ve heard of having a near death experience but having 114 near death experiences, that’s just ridiculous.

A woman has died and been revived 114 times in a row, which doesn’t sound like much fun at all. You would think after 50 or so times you would start getting fed up. But not this woman — because on the 114th time she stayed alive.

I wonder if she saw God and he was like, “Well, are you coming or not? I don’t have all day.” Or maybe God wanted her dead and the doctor refused, so finally he was like, “Fine, whatever just take her.”

This woman died the first time when she was struck with sudden adult death syndrome, which is basically like a heart attack…except you just drop dead and you get to skip the whole attack part. I had no idea that becoming an adult also meant you have an increased chance to suddenly drop dead. Getting older sucks!

At least I know the cure to sudden adult death syndrome. Just get your heart restarted hundreds of times until you’re okay again. Maybe I’ll start carrying a defibrillator around with me, just in case.

Well, I guess that would only work if I had someone with me who knew how to use it.

So if anyone wants to be hired to follow me around with a defibrillator, let me know.

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