The 9 Worst Kinds of Texts You Can Possibly Get
I know you. If you’re not looking at your phone, you’re probably not conscious. If you are conscious yet not looking at your phone, it’s probably because you’re looking at your computer. As soon as that bad boy vibrates, however, you’ll start lookin’ at it again. With the amount of time you spend on your phone being what it is, it’d stand to reason that not everything you look at on it is peachy keen. Out of all the things you could gaze upon via that glowing, hand-held box, lame text messages have got to be the absolute worst. The examples on this list are the cream of the crap.
The “Your service is about to be shut off if you don’t pay your bill” Text
For most folks, their phone is their lifeblood; their connection to the outside world. If that’s the case, getting a text alerting you to the fact that your world is about to reach an end can be suicide-inducing. How can Verizon live with all this blood on their hands? Why won’t they give me, like, a week to catch up on my bill? I swear I’m good for it!
The “Can you pick me up from the airport?” Text
By which I mean to say, the “Can you pick me up from the airport right friggin’ now even though it’s an hour away and I should have asked you two weeks ago?” text. Mostly sent by “friends” you only interact with at parties. ‘Cause for people that inconsiderate, life’s one neverending part-ay.
The “I still love you” Text
A.K.A. The Emotional Bootycall. We’ve all been there. It’s seven o’clock on a Tuesday night and we’re watchin’ some TV in the living room. All of a sudden, our ex’s number pops up out of the blue with a pathetic text begging for a cuddle sesh. Pssh. That S.O.B. didn’t have cuddlin’ on the mind when he up and cheated on your ass, did he? That’s what I thought. Ignore that dingus.
The “I’m your mom and I just bought an iPhone” Text
Mom texts are always one of two things: futile attempts to figure out emojis or paragraph-long diatribes about something disgusting your father just did. There is no exception to this rule. It should also be noted that nine out of ten texts of this ilk are needlessly signed like a letter (as in, “Love, Mom.”).
The “Oops! Wrong number” Sext
There are few things more, uh, exciting than getting a sext from someone you’re either dating or have the hots for. A sext you didn’t ask for, however, from someone who has the wrong number, can be emotionally disastrous. You’ll never be able to make eye contact with your Droid again.
The “Wassup? I’m your idiot coworker” Text
Tired of your coworker David texting you to ask if you can take over his shift so he can take his girlfriend out for her dog’s birthday? You are not alone. Receiving a text from a coworker requesting anything, no matter how miniscule, is outrageously annoying. Actually, now that I think of it, any time a coworker texts you period, it’s never good.
The “Click this link to win a new, better phone” Text
Every time I get a spam text on my phone, I have to actively fight the urge to throw said phone on the ground. But I never do, because that’s exactly what those bastards want. If I actually needed a new iPhone, I’d be putty in their hands.
The “We sent you this text message to let you know your text message didn’t send” Text
Dear Virgin Mobile. Please stop sending me constant reminders of your service’s mediocrity. I don’t need you to tell me you can’t send my text, even though I’m attempting to do so downtown in the second largest city in the country. Thanks.
The “It’s not working out” Text
Only cowards break up with people via text message. Real people break up with their significant others in public. That way everyone can experience and enjoy the pain!
What’s the lamest text you’ve ever received? Let me know in the comments!