Beef 'n Go!

The Discovery of a Lifetime

Joseph Jenkins and his wife.

The story of Beef 'n Go first began way back with my great, great grandfather, Joseph Jenkins. Back in 1848, Joseph decided to head west across the United States to follow the Gold Rush. He took his whole family in a covered wagon and endured many obstacles along the way. One obstacle in particular was the trouble of storing freshly killed bison during their trip through the great plains. Joseph found that the bison meat was much easier to store and transport by grinding it into a mulch and pouring it into their canteens.

This technique proved to be life saving when Joseph and his family were stranded in a massive blizzard in the Sierra Mountain Range. While enduring weeks of bitter cold, they had to rely on eating the ground bison and five of their youngest children. Joseph managed to make it out of the mountains alive with his wife and six remaining children.

Unfortunately, this great man succumbed to a tragic death when he thought he could ford the San Francisco Bay with his wagon train. He also lost three oxen.

Carrying on the Tradition
Joseph's eldest son, Leroy Jenkins, took his father's invention and tried to make a business out of it in order to carry on his father's legacy. But due to the fact that Bison don't live in California, Leroy had to resort to smaller animals, such as squirrels. It was a struggle to stay in business and Leroy was always in debt. However, the man was determined to keep the business going, and made ends meet by being a male prostitute on weekends.

The Rise of "Beef 'n Coke"
After decades of failure with the business, Leroy handed the company over to his only son in order to pursue a full-time career in prostitution. His son, who is my grandfather, was Billy Joel Jenkins.

Billy Joel took over the company in 1919 as soon as the Alcohol Prohibition started in the United States. Billy Joel made the amazing discovery that ground cow actually tasted better than ground squirrel.

When he made the switch to cows, millions of squirrels in their farm were let loose into the wild. A little known fact is that squirrels were actually an endangered species before the switch to cows was made. This is why you see squirrels everywhere. Anyway, Billy Joel also discovered that if he added cocaine to the ground beef, people really liked it. And they kept coming back for more. This made Beef 'n Coke one of the top Fortune 500 companies in less than a year and made Billy Joel a billionaire.

Beef 'n Go Today
Times have changed, but we are still truckin' on. We no longer sell our Beef in cans with sharp metal edges, and the FDA had us remove the cocaine from our ingredients a few years ago. I decided to replace the cocaine with horse testicles. Why horse testicles you ask? It just seemed to make sense at the time. I then put the beef in a plastic tube and made Beef 'n Go to what it is today.

I hope that you continue to enjoy this wonderful food, knowing that ol' Joseph Jenkins in smiling down on you. Well I guess he'd be smiling up at you, since he's at the bottom of the San Francisco bay. They never found his body... gross.

Theme Song Lyrics Contest Beef 'n Go needs a theme song! Write the lyrics to how you think the Beef 'n Go theme song should go. It will go to the same tune as the jingle at the end of the Beef 'n Go commercial on this page. Try to make the song less than a minute long, and have fun! Smosh will choose the winning lyrics on May 10th, 2008 and make a Beef 'n Go song using them (the song will be released on May 17th). The winner will get a $50 gift certificate to the Smosh Merch Store! CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE WINNING BEEF 'N GO THEME SONG!


The Meat 'n Bones of Our History By Roy Lee Jenkins Click the play button below to hear Roy Lee Jenkins read the history of Beef 'n Go! Download this MP3 The Discovery of a Lifetime Joseph Jenkins and his wife. The story of Beef 'n Go first began way back with my great, great grandfather, Joseph Jenkins. Back in 1848, Joseph decided to head west across the United States to follow the Gold Rush. He took his whole family in a covered wagon and endured many obstacles along the way. One obstacle in particular was the trouble of storing freshly killed bison during their trip through the great plains. Joseph found that the bison meat was much easier to store and transport by grinding it into a mulch and pouring it into their canteens. This technique proved to be life saving when Joseph and his family were stranded in a massive blizzard in the Sierra Mountain Range. While enduring weeks of bitter cold, they had to rely on eating the ground bison and five of their youngest children. Joseph managed to make it out of the mountains alive with his wife and six remaining children. Unfortunately, this great man succumbed to a tragic death when he thought he could ford the San Francisco Bay with his wagon train. He also lost three oxen. Carrying on the Tradition Joseph's eldest son, Leroy Jenkins, took his father's invention and tried to make a business out of it in order to carry on his father's legacy. But due to the fact that Bison don't live in California, Leroy had to resort to smaller animals, such as squirrels. It was a struggle to stay in business and Leroy was always in debt. However, the man was determined to keep the business going, and made ends meet by being a male prostitute on weekends. A large crowd of people waiting for a new shipment of Beef 'n Coke. The Rise of "Beef 'n Coke" After decades of failure with the business, Leroy handed the company over to his only son in order to pursue a full-time career in prostitution. His son, who is my grandfather, was Billy Joel Jenkins. Billy Joel took over the company in 1919 as soon as the Alcohol Prohibition started in the United States. Billy Joel made the amazing discovery that ground cow actually tasted better than ground squirrel. When he made the switch to cows, millions of squirrels in their farm were let loose into the wild. A little known fact is that squirrels were actually an endangered species before the switch to cows was made. This is why you see squirrels everywhere. Anyway, Billy Joel also discovered that if he added cocaine to the ground beef, people really liked it. And they kept coming back for more. This made Beef 'n Coke one of the top Fortune 500 companies in less than a year and made Billy Joel a billionaire. Beef 'n Go Today Times have changed, but we are still truckin' on. We no longer sell our Beef in cans with sharp metal edges, and the FDA had us remove the cocaine from our ingredients a few years ago. I decided to replace the cocaine with horse testicles. Why horse testicles you ask? It just seemed to make sense at the time. I then put the beef in a plastic tube and made Beef 'n Go to what it is today. I hope that you continue to enjoy this wonderful food, knowing that ol' Joseph Jenkins in smiling down on you. Well I guess he'd be smiling up at you, since he's at the bottom of the San Francisco bay. They never found his body... gross. Sincerely, Roy Lee Jenkins (May 3rd, 2008)