10 Best Ways Out Of Awkward Social Situations
You know when you're talking to someone at a party and the conversation drops because you can't think of anything interesting to say? You both chuckle, smile, nod left, nod right, and finally, heartbreakingly, say "yyyep". This is all your fault, and now it's your responsibility to kill the interaction with this wonderful, forgiving person who was willing to engage with you. Here's how you're going to do it, so you can move onto the next person you're sure to disappoint.
1. Always Be Texting
This is awkward moment insurance. If you're always texting, at any moment something could theoretically come up that you'll need to tend to. So pull your phone out and look important for a few seconds every three minutes to lend some credibility if you have to "take care of something really quick". PRO TIP: If you set up your bank to send your balance via text, it'll look like whoever you're fake texting is responding to you! Yeah fake legitimacy!
2. Activate Your Skyhook
One way to get out of a faltered conversation is to release a helium balloon rigged to a sturdy cable attached to your harness and be airlifted out by a low-flying plane. Be sure to call out a farewell! "ITWASGREATMEETINGYOuweshouldgetlunchsometimemaybeyoucanbeonmypodcaaaaaaast"
3. Ask What They Thought About The Last Episode Of LOST
When things get weird talking with someone, just blurt out something about the last episode of Lost. Whatever your opinion was, they think the exact opposite and can't believe you, as a rational human person, would think that way. Bringing up the Lost finale at a party will not only end your current awkward interaction, but it'll also end your streak of not being punched in the face at parties.
4. Backwards Roll!
At first people think you're rude for tumbling away from them. But they'll soon come to respect you for being so decisive about ending that dying conversation. If something is going to die, it should be put out of its' misery right then and there. If only Poppa had felt the same way.
5. The Ole' "Look Over There"
Point behind them and shout "Whoa! Look at that! Have you ever seen a thing like THAT?" They look, and when they turn back, you're gone! Alternately, you can stay and talk about whatever was over there.
6. Smoke Bombs
Throwing a concealed explosive and escaping before the smoke clears is how most ninjas get out of awkward situations. The rest of the ninjas dismember people who bore them at parties, but in many circles that's considered uncouth.
7. Spill On Them
If you accidentally spill on this person and run off, they'll assume you went to find napkins or Windex or whatever you use to clean people at parties. No one says you have to come back.
8. Mention Your Pressing Business
This is a foolproof out-- Tell them it's been fun, but you have "pressing business" to tend to. "Oh, what sort of business?" they have the potential to ask. "PRESSING" you'll reply. "INCREDIBLY PRESSING."
9. Cover Your Eyes And Talk To Your Dead Loved Ones
"Poppa? Poppa?! Are you there Poppa? I'm stuck with this girl, I don't know what to say to her! Oh, give me advice Poppa! Like you used to before The Sickness!" When you open your eyes, the person you were talking to will certainly not be there. Your friend who told not to go to a party so soon after your Poppa's death, however, might be.
10. Point Out Their Most Hideous Deformity
The easiest way to get out of a disastrous party interaction is to make mention of their most revolting facial feature, often the nose. Some might call this hurtful. I'd call it practical. Also hurtful.
How do you work your way out of these horrible moments? Let us know in the comments!