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The 10 Craziest Pieces Of Hello Kitty Merchandise

Posted By: Tamar on 01.06.11

Hello Kitty is the most insidious force on the planet. HK merchandise comes in every shape and use you can imagine…and a few you’d really rather not think about at all.

1. Bus

Let’s hope this is the Josie & the Pussycats bus from their Japanese tour. Otherwise, there’s a band of seven-year-old punk rockers gigging in your neighborhood.

2. Crock Pot

Wait, is this a crock pot with Hello Kitty on it or a crock pot for cooking Hello Kitty??? How fun would it be to serve HK Stew to your little cousin, and then tell her what it was made of only AFTER she ate it…

3. Tongue Stud

Tongue studs can be very sexy. When you’re making out, you feel the stud and think, “Hot!” But then you see it’s a Hello Kitty tongue stud. The only thing you can do at that point is run…

4. Ferrari

When you’re shopping for a new car, don’t forget the Hello Kitty Ferrari. Now let’s think about this for a sec—this car costs a butt-load of money and HK fans are usually little girls. Either a millionaire six-year-old bought the car, or a really creepy perv is having a mid-life crisis.

5. Beer

Just what the world needs—young girls getting drunk on Beck’s Hello Kitty beer. We like that the bottles have a little ♀ sign on them, just to make sure little boys don’t accidentally chug one. Someone in their marketing department understands the communications needs of little kids who love to party.

6. AR-15 Assault Weapon

When you’re stocking your post-apocalyptic munitions supply, don’t forget to include a Hello Kitty assault rifle for your little sister. She’ll really enjoy shooting down zombies if her gun is cute and pink.

7. Air-Filter Mask

Another essential item for your bomb shelter is the Hello Kitty air-filter mask. It makes the air smell like strawberries and cat litter.

8. Engine Oil

This engine lube isn’t exclusively used for the Hello Kitty Ferrari—anyone can use it! In fact, we hear it’s going to be available soon at 7-11 stores nationwide. All we need now is Pikkachu transmission oil.

9. Lawnmower

Okay, we know this is just a mod made from a cell phone and some spare parts, but with the world as wacky as it is about HK, we expect to see a real Hello Kitty Lawnmower in Sears by next Christmas.

10. Cocaine

Hello Kitty brand cocaine is the perfect birthday gift for the Hello Kitty-loving drug cartel member in your life.

What’s your favorite kind of HK merch? Do you have anything better than this stuff?

Love kittycats? Check out 12 Cosplay Cats

Tags: beer, cocaine, crock, Ferrari, hello, kitty, pot, studs, tongue

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65 Comments

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Sebastiano Carreiro

8 weeks ago

Kitty gun power!!!!!!!!!! You are kittynated

sgottaprob

8 weeks ago

Hello kittie? Really now? Why? If you are a fan understandable but a older guy? That's understandable if you are a pedi file lmaoXD but really if I ever meet anyone over 10 with one of these items.... It won't be pretty... Unless I use the HK car! With its magical HK dust as the exhaust, the HK AR-15 with HK bullets, and the HK crock pot!! Then you'll die from the amazingnessssss:D and btw if your wondering the crock pot will be for a meal!! After a long day of killing owners makes a man hungry!

Aqua_Fishie

9 weeks ago

I saw a microwave at Target and at the same time I witnesses two grown people get very very excited about it.

silver star

9 weeks ago

hello kitty beer? Assault gun? FERRARI?! What the firetruck?!

That's Not My Name

9 weeks ago

XD I want all of it.

amanda.roger

9 weeks ago

the last one HAHAHAHHA

the definition ...

17 weeks ago

they make hello kitty TEETH too!! look it up it wierd

PurpleTacos

40 weeks ago

If you put in the Hello Kitty gas as soon as you drive sparkles will be coming out of your engin -_-

savwatson13

45 weeks ago

i want that gun O.O

connie8377

45 weeks ago

lol that is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

luchimuffin

46 weeks ago

a condom? hahaha

UberIsTheNewWise

46 weeks ago

AmericaTheHero

46 weeks ago

I want that Hello Kitty Lawn Mower xD

ninjacow978

46 weeks ago

what about the hello kitty house you guys once posted?

Athena1006

46 weeks ago

LMAO!!:):) I LOVE HELLO KITTY!!!! i been on a hello kitty tour bus in tokyo hahah!!!

bigdog593

46 weeks ago

what the hell is wrong with the grip on the ar-15 how the hell are you supposed to hold that?

JackSquatJB

46 weeks ago

Really? The Hello Kitty dildo isn't on here?! http://www.amazon.com/Hello-Kitty-Vibrator-Massage r-Masturbator/dp/B000JO034A

PeaceLovehope7

46 weeks ago

#2 would go great with my kitty toaster =)

Firetruckbitchez

46 weeks ago

Whats better than cocaine?! Hello Kitty cocaine :D

CelinaIam

47 weeks ago

I WANT THAT GUN! >:3

wierdo527

56 weeks ago

cocaine is the funniest! :D

YummyYummyInMyTummy3

60 weeks ago

i have a hello kitty toaster ahhaah

luckyvogue

63 weeks ago

Wholesale Fashion Sunglasses

yingwei

71 weeks ago

Dear customers, thank you for your support of our company.
Here, there’s good news to tell you: The company recently
launched a number of new fashion items! ! Fashionable
and welcome everyon

Charlie.is.awesome

71 weeks ago

I like the AR-15 it looks G .... as in gangster not gay .... -_-

ToastyKitten

71 weeks ago

wow

iGetBored.T_T

71 weeks ago

I love Hello Kitty!~ I wouldn't get any of those....except the gun. XD

podreko

71 weeks ago

I once had a Hello Kitty toaster. It burned Hello Kitty on the bread. Lolz.

A5 Paintballer

71 weeks ago

#5 is just pink beer with stickers on it. Look at the beer on the inside of the thing!

A5 Paintballer

71 weeks ago

#5 is just pink beer with stickers on it. Look at the beer on the inside of the thing!

OMGIGILY

71 weeks ago

GAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I fkn hate these stupid comments that are commercials for websites

x0reoxcookiex

71 weeks ago

That isn't a crock pot... that is a rice cooker lol! But that's still pretty awesome! :)

brrrul

71 weeks ago

that's not a ferrari farrarie only can be yellow or red
atleats not pink then ferarri will sue you no matter how much you pay so i gues it's a lamborgini they don't car what colour you pant it.