10 Hilarious Psychic Fails
As everyone knows, the world will come to an end on the Winter Solstice in 2012. At least that’s what the Mayan calendar says.
Although we’re going to have to wait a couple of years to find out if that prophecy will come true, here are a few predictions that failed.
1. Reincarnation vs. Meds?
Psychic Sylvia Browne predicted that by 2009, doctors all over the US would be using hypnotic past-life regression to treat schizophrenia, depression and other forms of mental illness. Maybe in California…but we don’t see the folks in Texas adopting this form of therapy.
In 1997, it was predicted that the CIA would capture an extraterrestrial chap in 2000, who would be the sole survivor of his planet’s destruction. The reason? The Supreme Being is pissed that none of the species he created turned out well, so he’ll be systematically working his way across the universe and exploding planets one by one. Earth would have been next!
3. The Concorde Was Built By Aliens
In 2009, According to Elizabeth Baron, who claims to channel St. Catherine of Siena, a 14th-century saint, airplanes would be so fast that we could fly from America to England in no time! Although that prediction isn’t totally unreasonable, the source of the technology is: Ms. Baron said we’d learn how to do this from alien scientists who came to Earth to teach us how to harness the speed of light.
4. Marilyn Manson: Brought To You Courtesy of Y2K
Thomas Chase predicted that the Y2K bug would cause a worldwide electrical failure and bring on the Antichrist. We all know the electricity prediction didn’t come true, but there’s still some question about the Antichrist…
5. Saved By The Kindness of Aliens
In the 1960s, famed psychic Edgar Cayce said that the Arcturians, a benevolent group of aliens, would let us know that the reason we haven’t been invaded by civilization-annihilating extraterrestrials is because of their protective guidance. Thanks guys!
6. The Rise of Atlantis
San Diego-based Charles Spiegel predicted that the ancient land of Atlantis will emerge from the sea in 2001, causing massive destruction in the Caribbean. Although that prediction didn’t come true, Stargate Atlantis premiered in 2004—an equally disastrous event.
7. Just Another Secret Society…
The Sacerdotal Knights of National Security reported that in 1997, UFOs would land in Missouri for the purpose of stripping our planet of every natural resource and enslaving the human race. FWIW, no one really knows who the Sacerdotal Knights are…not even Wikipedia.
8. California And Nebraska Are Geographic Neighbors?
Edgar Cayce also predicted that in the 1990s, intense earthquakes will trigger massive tidal waves that will destroy the Baja Peninsula, California and much of Nevada, leaving Arizona and Nebraska as our new Pacific coastline. We think Edgar should have consulted a map… there are six states between the Pacific Ocean and Nebraska. Whoops!
9. Demons Don’t Care For Sunlight?
Madame Vredeau predicted that by 2009, we’d not only experience war, pestilence and a global plague, but Satanic demons would appear in broad daylight. As of now, if they are walking among us, it must only be at night…
10. Doomsday Postponed To The Year 1,000,000
Last but not least: Nostradamus! Hundreds of years ago, the Prophet to End All Prophets predicted that if we somehow managed to survive all the other nasty forms of Armageddon, life on Earth would finally be obliterated by gamma rays. Note: gamma rays aren’t covered on most homeowner insurance policies, so you’ll need to get a special rider to cover the end of days.
Do you have any predictions for the end of the world? Let us know in the comments?