Top 10 Imaginary Travel Destinations
It’s way too expensive to travel anywhere these days. So why not go somewhere you can’t actually visit and save a few bucks instead? Just skip Orbitz and book a flight of your own to these destinations…
1. Gotham City
Form of Government: One easily cowed by lunatics dressed as clowns, S&M cats or flightless waterfowl.
Main Export: The curious notion that everybody doesn’t just move after the 15th time someone poisons the water or air supply.
Things to See: A super villain asylum with a high rate of successful escapes; Chicago if it were in the sub-basement of Hell; even Build-A-Bear stores being run by masked gangs.
2. Diagon Alley
Form of Government: Wicca capitalism.
Main Export: Bat spleens, nose-biting teacups, acid pops and any number of items whose very name should deter purchase.
Things to See: Unsavory characters in every shadow: Death Eaters at every corner; footprints from invisibly-cloaked students at every plot point.
3. Middle Earth
Form of Government: Monarchy/Orc-mandate.
Main Export: Inspiration for 70’s album covers; inspiration for games involving dice, graph paper and countless Friday nights spent in imaginary pubs; inspiration for idea that Orlando Bloom could actually carry a film.
Things to See: Giant fiery, lidless, evil eye in sky; armed, marauding Uruk-hai on the ground; some reasonably priced outdoor cafes.
Form of Government: Democratically forgiving
Main Export: Inexplicable, indefinable holiday toys clearly designed under the influence of alcohol or mental illness; a hairy green hero for everyone who hates Christmas or homes with viable security systems.
Things to See: Citizens eating; citizens singing; citizens being easily duped.
5. Ice Planet Hoth
Form of Government: Besieged.
Main Export: All its people, escaping a subzero death trap.
Things to See: Tremendous, impractical four-legged tanks; abominable snowman; bipedal camel being sliced stem to stern for warmth/shelter; a brother and sister almost accidentally doing it.
Form of Government: Exceedingly fickle mob rule/City devoid of any state alliance.
Main Export: Anything with enough surface area to place a character’s likeness on it; countless quotes applicable for almost any situation; the template for Seth MacFarlane’s career.
Things to See: The first eight seasons (after which the quality of your vacation may fluctuate); personal histories constantly being rewritten thanks to characters never aging but time continuously moving forward; not a single McDonalds.
7. Sesame Street
Form of Government: Human-monster alliance.
Main Export: Core educational skills; social responsibility; a high-pitched, laughing furry red creature who may one day rule us all.
Things to See: Countless celebrities fascinated by the alphabet; a Brooklyn that has magically escaped gentrification in large part due to felt; more children left unattended by parents than a “Peanuts” strip.
8. Land of Oz
Form of Government: Unelected carny.
Main Export: Abject terror in anyone under the age of five.
Things to See: A kingdom that hands over complete power to the first person to arrive via helium; people wishing to get home the moment they arrive; a cardiovascular system devoid of a heart; little people who diminish any chance of political legitimacy by joining lollipops guilds.
9. Sunnydale, California
Form of Government: Satanic mayor.
Main Export: Untold forces of evil thanks to a portal between earth and Hell that allows demons to feed upon mankind and may very well end civilization; assorted handicrafts.
Things to See: One high school, one main street, 163 cemeteries with waiting lists; vampires, werewolves and a little sister you didn’t know you had until season five; everybody suddenly breaking into song.
10. Installation 04 (Alpha Halo)
Form of Government: Millions of people repeatedly questioning each other’s manhood on Xbox Live.
Main Export: Enviable franchise and one of the few bragging rights Microsoft has left against Apple.
Things to See: Daylight after playing for 15 hours straight.
So where would you like to go that doesn’t involve packing, planning or even getting out of bed?