10 Incredibly Stupid World Records

The Guinness Book of World Records contains some truly bizarre entries. Not the “World Record for Longest Nails” or the “World Record for the Most Clocks.” No, these records go beyond the weird and into true WTF!!! It’s not just that people performed these highly questionable acts—it’s that they believed that these incredibly stupid feats were important enough to establish a record of them.

 

10. Cycling Backward With A Violin

Christian Adam set a new world record for cycling backward while playing his violin: 60 km (37.28 miles) in five hours and nine minutes. What I find most disturbing about this record is not that it exists, but that it’s the NEW world record, which suggests that someone else performed this inane act, too.

 

9. Most Snails To Remain On The Face For 10 Seconds

The World Record for the Most Snails to Remain on the face for 10 seconds was set by Alastair Galpin on October 27, 2007, with a total of eight disgusting, slimy snails creeping over his nose and eyeballs. Okay, so the record itself is effed-up—who does this on purpose?—but what really intrigues me is the 10 second rule. Why 10 seconds? How many snails did Alastair begin with? Did he cover his face with delicious snail food?

 

8. The Longest Distance Thrown In A Car Accident

Matthew McKnight set this record on October 26, 2001, when a car hit him and set him flying 118 feet through the air. He broke his shoulder, pelvis, leg and tailbone, so I think they gave him the World Record title just to make him feel better. Jeez! I hope he didn’t arrange for the accident so he could get the record…

 

7. Most Eggs Crushed with Head in One Minute

Sam Stilson holds this record, crushing 56 eggs against his head in 30 seconds. I bet PETA came after him for needlessly killing all those fluffy chick embryos.

 

6. Most People Brushing Their Teeth Simultaneously

In February 2008 over 177,000 New Delhi residents simultaneously brushed their teeth, soundly reaming the Philippines, who held the former record of 41,038. Can you imagine the amount of Crest they used?

 

5. Largest Collection of Barf Bags

Niek Vermeulen of the Netherlands has amassed a collection of 5,568 barf bags. The big question: Has he really been on that many flights, or does he steal all the barf bags on the plane every time he travels? Freaky Nieky also made that Very Special Hat. I have to wonder if he’s a 75-year-old virgin.

 

4. Farthest Squirting Of Milk From The Eye

I don’t know what eye milk is, and frankly, I don’t want to, but Ilker Yilmaz of Turkey had the honor of setting the record in 2004, squirting eye milk 9’2.” I don’t understand how someone realizes they have this talent, but it’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen, and that includes Snooki.

 

3. Longest Ear Hair

On August 26, 2007, Anthony Victor of Maduri, India, had the dubious honor of achieving the world record for longest ear hair, measuring just over 7”. All I can think about is the gross globs of earwax coating it.

 

2. Heaviest Car Balanced on the Head

On May 24, 1999, John Evans from England balanced a 352-lb Mini on his head for 33 seconds. How the hell did he get it up there???

 

1. Hardest Kick In The Groin

Kirby Roy achieved this record when American Gladiator Justice Smith kicked him in the junk at the rate of 22 mph with 1,100 pounds of force. Okay boys, close your eyes and imagine a car going 22 mph hitting your body. Then imagine all that force is concentrated on your franks and beans. Don’t you want to break that record?

What stupid world record would you like to set? Tell us in the comments!

 

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