10 Lies They Told You in Kindergarten

Since the dawn of man, adults have lied to children... The Tooth Fair, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny... and it just goes downhill from there. It seems like adults are always looking for excuses to lie to kids. Here are some things that people will tell you as a kid, that are complete and total BS!

 

1. "Hitting won't get you anywhere"

Whoa. Have you heard Muhammad Ali? Or Oscar De La Hoya? George Foreman? Mike Tyson? These are some of the strongest people in history. Furthermore, not only is George Foreman an accomplished boxer, he also makes excellent grills (barbecue grills, not rapper grillz).

 

2. "Everyone always wants the truth"

Well, Ross would've probably been perfectly happy not knowing that his wife was a lesbian. (Yes, I just made a Friends refrence. Deal with it) And if everyone told the truth, the 1.1 million lawyers in America would probably be without their job. Oh, and New York would probably be very content thinking the Jets beat the Steelers.

 

3. "Share everything"

This sounds like communism, and everybody knows that communism is for twentieth century Russia and the Marxist brothers and Korean dictators with women's sunglasses.

 

4. "Take a nap every afternoon"

What? Should we become a world of bums, eating food off the street? Think of all the productive things we could be doing with those wasted napping hours: baking cookies, walking dogs, writing a blog post about why kindergarteners should avoid communism, etc.

 

5. "Let your creativity run wild"

Think about all the people that have let their creativity run wild. The Beatles, for example, let all of their "creativity" run wild in India, and all it did for them was inspire some songs on some blank album.

 

6. "Always raise your hand"

I tried this one for a while, but people started giving me strange looks at restaurants and at Dodger games when I would raise my hand to order food or ask a question. Sigh, people can be so insensitive.

 

7. "Analyze your surroundings"

Hey teacher, haven't you heard of 'ignorance is bliss'? Ever wondered why ostriches are so happy with their lives? Whenever danger comes around, they stick their heads in the sand.

 

8. "Finish everything on your plate"

Actually, it is almost certainly healthier to only eat until you're no longer hungry. Otherwise, you will gain excessive weight, and, in turn, look like the Fat Bastard from Austin Powers. And that's gross.

 

9. "You'll only like the PG-rated movies"

How many PG-rated movies have won Best Picture, huh? My favorite movie when I was little was Mary Poppins, and that had to be rated at least PG-13; those little Brits were clearly under the influence of some pretty powerful hallucinogens.

 

10. "Walk, never run"

If there's one thing I love to leave, it's class. So, if the bell rings, and a six-year-old wants to run out of class, let the poor child escape the treachery of education. Also, they emphasize no running during a fire. I say, if you want to stay safe, run as fast as you can.

What other lies did you learn in kindergarten? Tell us in the comments below!

 

Check Out Sex-Ed In Kindergarten!