10 People That I Do NOT Want To Read Sexy Fan Fiction About!
Fan fiction is pretty big on the internet. There is some pretty great off-canon kind of stuff out there and even more poorly written Twilight crap. I mean stuff that is so terrible it makes Stephanie Meyer look like F. Scott Fitzgerald. And then there is the sexy fan fiction. Ah yes...creepy sexy fan fiction. As much as I don't wanna read stories where Edward Cullen dumps Bella for a middle-aged divorced mom of four, I can think of some people, real and fictional, that I really don't wanna read sexy fan fiction about.
Lady Gaga As A Guy
Now, I don't care which way she was born, I don't wanna read about a Little Monster's surprised delight when finding Gaga's little monster. Also, I would probably grow weary after the fourth time little monster and poker face were combined into a naughty euphemism.
I don't wanna know about Crabbe and Goyle's teacher fantasies! Besides, the only older professor lady who's getting an engorgio out of anyone is McGonagall. Not Umbridge! Unless it's the one played by Joe Walker in A Very Harry Potter Sequel. I'd be down with that.
The only Spongebob sex I wanna know exists is the kind parents have while their kids are watching cartoons. Arrggghhhh! WTF am I talking about? I don't wanna know about that either! And no I don't think Sandy Cheeks makes a great porn name. Well, okay, I guess it does.
Doug Hutchison AKA Creepy Old Dude
Just because you got a lazy-eyed fame-hungry teen to marry you doesn't mean you're hot. It actually means you're the opposite of hot. Besides, a story called 'Lost in the Teen Mile' sounds all kinds of wrong.
There's only one thing I want Jamie and Adam exposing and that's the fallacy inherent in most urban legends. I'm not interested in any 'explosive experiments' being done, especially when they involve winkwink air quotes. And especially, especially if a crash test dummy is involved.And no... I do not like bringing new meaning to the words Discovery Channel.
Justin Bieber's Dad
Justin Bieber sexy fan fiction is pretty tame and is basically what I see every day from my 13-year-old cousin on my Facebook feed. But the moms who are into his d-bag dad..EW! I only wish it was about Bieber Jr. so then we could have those women arrested.
WHY???? This is NOT a MILF. This is a mom NO ONE should have...well I guess it was artificially inseminated so technically no one did. But still!
Grown Up Dora
So yeah, I know that technically she would be 18 now, but DAYUM! What kind of creep was counting the days until Dora was legal? I do not wanna read about Dora exploring anything other than this great world we live in and the intricasies of the Spanish language. And FYI you do NOT provide what Dora needs, Backpack does!
There's only one way Simmons will EVER get my heart racing and that is by doing dated 80's-style aerobics.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Ahhhh HELL NO! Reading fan fiction about a love affair between Leonardo and Raphael will not only destroy all of your fond childhood memories of turtles, mutants and ninjas, it would only be a matter of time before it ruined pizza forever too. And I NEVER want pIzza to be ruined!
What kind of sexy fan fiction would give you nightmares? Tell us in the comments!