10 Reasons Why Roommates Suck
Having roommates sucks. It's so hard to live with other people.
Over the years and I have had some really bad roommates. Even cool people become jerks when you move in with them. Here is why roommates suck.
I get the fact that you might get the munchies at 2 AM but when you eat an entire birthday cake with my name on it, I tend to get upset. What's worse is that when I went to confront my roommate about the incident, he denied eating the cake but still had frosting and cake sprinkles in his beard.
You just don't wear another mans clothes! I understand you were late for work and your clothes were dirty but no amount of washing will make my Batman underwear wearable again. I can never wear those again without the thought that your wedding tackle has fouled my Dark Knight banana hammocks.
I understand that we don't live in a clean room where they make microchips, but I expect you to vacuum at least once a month. I don't want to open your bedrooms door and confuse your living space with the set of Lord of the Flies.
Dude! You must clean your bathroom, at least once a month. The place is covered with fungus and body hair and you are not even that hairy. What is going on in there? Are you hiding Bigfoot in the bathroom?
My name is on the lease, meaning that I am the one legally responsible for paying. I can understand being a little short once or twice, but it gives reason to pause when, on the day the rent is due, you saunter out of your room with plastic water cooler bottle full of pennies and nickels. You didn't even offer to roll the coins!
I get it, you are a hipster and as part of your hipster lifestyle you enjoy some odd musical tastes and I am cool with that. But after a long day at work I don't want to come home to a dozen hipsters in a drum circle in my living room banging on their skins and practicing New Zealand aboriginal scream-singing.
Late Night Guests
Weekend parties are fine, but I need my sleep during the week. I don't think I am being outrageous when I ask that you not have 3 friends over at 3 AM and start a Black Ops tournament with the TV at full volume as you and your friends scream obscenities at each other.
I understand that you have a girlfriend and that at times you want to retire to your bedroom to pitch woo. I'm cool with that, what I am not cool with is when you realize that you only have a twin bed and you both decide that your bed is small and then proceed to my bed to continue your carnal endeavors.
I understand that you might need to travel from your room to bathroom to shower. You might be partially dressed at that point, but when you stroll out of your room to have your morning coffee in nothing but torn underwear, and then proceed to have a ten minute conversation with me about how excited you are regarding the new WOW expansion pack you have... I tend to freak out. It doesn't help that you scratched yourself every five minutes.
Dude you stink! You never stink the same way twice and I am amazed/repulsed by your odor. One day you parade around in your own BO and the next you will smell like fireworks and hot garbage. What are you doing to make you smell like a skunk getting a perm in a sewer?
Do you have roommates? If so I'd love to hear some other reasons why roommates suck in the comments below. It would make me feel better to know that I am not alone.