10 Sexiest Stand-Up Comedians

I’ve always had a hankering for the more humorous dudes in life, the guys that can riff on a bad movie in witty perfection. 9 times out of 10 these kind of dudes are stand-up comics, turning their kiddin’ around cuteness into a career. I’ve rounded up a collection of 10 comics ranging from up-and-comer’s to veterans of the scene who I believe are equally handsome as they are hysterical, hope you agree.

 

10. Chris D’Elia

"If you're British, you don't know a dude named Nigel -- you're not British or you're Nigel, that's how that goes."

Chris D’Elia is the kind of guy you knew in High School. The one that looked like Keanu Reeves if he was cuter and more self-aware.

 

9. Jack Whitehall

"If my dad could see me up here now he'd be very impressed. But you know, I'm sure wherever my dad is now, he would be looking down on us. He's not dead just very condescending."

Comedian Jack Whitehall could easily double for a lesser known member of Franz Ferdinand, or an equally cool and borderline European indie rock group. Just think, a date with him could either earn you backstage entrance to a comedy club or Coachella! You could be in spittin’ distance from Jack White or a random barfly! How could you lose?

 

8. Jeff Dye

"A lot of double standards in Los Angeles. Like if a girl goes out, sleeps with a bunch of dudes, she's considered a slut. But if a guy does it, he's considered a homosexual. That's messed up."

Jeff Dye is that one guy who dated your friend all through out High School. The kind of dude that everyone would go, “Oh Jeff’s going to that party? That guy rules!” Always with the witty comebacks laced with a boyish innocence, you resented him for being awesome as much as you loved him for being awesome.

 

7. Matt Fulchiron

"They say money changes people, and I say hook that sh*t up. I'm about due for some alterations. I don't care if money changes me into a 300-pound chinchilla with herpes simplex two."

On top of being a seriously funny stand-up, Matt Fulchiron seems like he could moonlight as the funniest Insurance salesman you know, or the wittiest cool Substitute teacher.

 

6. Anthony Jeselnik

"A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'"

Anthony Jeselnik represents that guy you hate for loving so much. He has all the ingredients for being a complete jerk: smugness with a self-assured air, but you can’t help but realize that everything he says is so spot-on, with a smirk that makes you fall instantly in love that you’re left absolutely helpless against his powers.

 

5. Mike Birbiglia

"Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you get it on your shirt"

If Anthony Jeselnik was the lovable jerk in H.S., then Birbiglia was definitely the nicest guy in your drama class. On top of being an amazing stand-up and a tremendously successful writer, Birbiglia’s small-town boy handsomeness mixed with his sharp sense of humor has definitely captured my heart.

 

4. Jemaine Clement

"At mermaid parties do they smoke sea weed, and if so how do they light it?"

I will admit, half of why I ever tuned into HBO’s Flight of the Conchords was to hear his deep bravado on the show’s soundtrack. I could easily summarize his physical attractiveness in the two S’s: singing and sideburns. Need I say more?

 

3. John Mulaney

"I just like when either paper tries to make a murder victim prettier after they die. Like the headline will be, 'Beauty Slain‚' and you look at the photo and you‚ are like ehh, how about 'Body Found?'"

I would give my right arm to hang out with this dude. Something tells me we would snark about pop culture, recreate his joke of pumping a jukebox full of quarters and requested Tom Jones’ “What’s New Pussycat?” over and over in a 24-hour diner and then almost die from hi-fiving too much.

 

2. Daniel Tosh

 

I don't think I could stab somebody, 'cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.

Tosh is one of those gifted few who can play off being mischievously biting with his snarky wit when laying down jokes on popular internet videos, while still maintaining a cuteness that few can truly dispute.

 

1. Demetri Martin

“Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is the same as saying ‘I apologize.’ Except at a funeral.”

If PhD’s were chosen solely on their cuteness and ability to construct genius-level wordplay, then he would surely be Dr. Demetri, Cutie Professor - which is also the name of my un-produced original pilot.

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