10 Things I Missed While Playing Skyrim Last Month
Man, I can’t believe it’s been almost a month since Skyrim came out. It feels like just yesterday I locked myself in my room and started going Medieval on some dragons. Amount of time spent completing quests, 10%, amount of time spent stealing random stuff, 10%, amount of time spent checking every barrel to make sure I grabbed everything I need to make a veal stew, 80%. I finally woke up this morning only to realize that I have missed a whole, real world outside of my videogame addiction. It seems that by exploring a vast fantasy world I missed out on a lot of actual real life. So today I bring you the top 10 things I missed while playing Skyrim. (And if any of you know how to get that manor in Solitude let me know @danborrelli)
10. END OF OWS
So apparently that’s over. Bummer. Those guys were really on to something. Who knows? Maybe breaking up the camps was the best thing to refocus the movement. Or maybe this whole thing is a passing trend, like pogs or monogamy. The point is I missed the riots. And in the spirit of Skyrim I’m so pro revolution now you guys. DOWN WITH THE EMPIRE!
I knew I forgot something. The whole turkey day thing must have just come and went under the radar this year. Although to be perfectly honest, I had a way better time plotting assassinations than I did watching my uncles argue about the Mets. Plus now I don’t have to shed any holiday pounds. Take that gym!
8. BLACK FRIDAY MASSACRE
When did pepper spray become slang for “excuse me?” What a mess that day is. One year I went shopping after the chaos, at like noon, it was like a scene from The Walking Dead. Everything was ransacked and destroyed. I mean is it really worth it? Are the sales really that great? Wouldn’t you be better off with just donning a necklace that had +15 speech craft? I MEAN REALLY PEOPLE!
7. JUSTIN BIEBER AND BUSTA RHYMES’ LITTLE DRUMMER BOY
Have you guys heard this? It’s a horrible piece of insulting garbage that makes the listener feel embarrassed even for Justin. It’s hard to hate him at this point. It’s more of a disappointment that we as a society let this happen. All I’m saying is a few weeks at a Bard’s College and this kid could at least be the next Ricky Martin.
Jeez, talk about over-rated, sun is for pansies. I was afraid I was actually becoming a vampire at one point but then I remembered the light from the fridge every twelve hours totally counts. LA has had nasty winds and apparently middle Amurrca already has snow, so jokes on them, cause my apartment gots full heat yo!
5. THE MUPPETS MOVIE
Something about Amy Adams being adorable and the Muppets being socialist? I donno. All I know is I’m sure starting next year I’m going to have a million opportunities to watch this movie during some cable channel’s holiday movie weekend run. But for now, there are more important matters to attend to.
4. MY GIRLFRIEND BREAKING UP WITH ME
I don’t really know what happened here. I got a bunch of voicemails this morning. Something about me not listening? I don’t know. Sucks for her though cause someone just got the Amulet of Mara WHAT!?!?!?!?
3. THE BIRTH OF MY NEPHEW
I guess I was supposed to be a Godfather or something? I was always under the impression that being a Godfather meant I didn’t really have to do anything until my own daughter got married. But I guess there’s like a baby dunking churchy thing? I donno. Whatever.
2. MY APARTMENT CATCHING FIRE AND BURNING TO THE GROUND
I thought it got warm for a minute. Good thing that charity group came in and got us power and a roof before the electricity completely went. Cause I only save every 35 seconds. This could have been a real disaster people.
1. YOUR COMMENTS
You guys think I don’t read those things? You’re wrong. I do nothing all day! I finally got back to my usual routine of judging myself based solely on the opinions of a bunch of high school kids and let me say, that’s way more stress inducing than fighting dragons. Although I did miss hearing from you guys. You all rock. Way better than NPCs!
What have you missed while playing Skyrim? Let me know @danborrelli or in the comments below!