10 Top Possible Contenders To Be The 'Next Justin Bieber'
Look, I’m not made of stone. When Justin Bieber: Never Say Never 3D came out in theaters, I saw it. And dare I say, I liked it. Were it not for his golden silky locks of hair, his velvety pitch-perfect voice, or even his perfectly symmetrical facial features he would just be another kid walking on the street and it’s that level of relate-ability that I can get with, even if I have to dig. But I think we all realize that celebrity love can be fleeting, and although it pains me to contemplate a world in which Biebs is not number 1; I still must prepare for that day. And that is why I’ve compiled a list of my 10 top possible contenders to replace the Biebs, so when that dreadful day does happen, we will all be ready for it.
10. A Perfect Stranger
Maybe there can be a reality show contest in which the winner has the right to be the “Next Justin Bieber,” and agrees to do so even though these terms will be undefined. Will he be the next Biebs in the fact that he has a unmistakably silky head of hair? Will he be awarded a purple hoodie that he never takes off, even when bathing? Or will he, like Biebs have an inexplicably young Mom (who’s also kind of smoking hot). The world will just have to wait to find out the answers to these pressing questions!
9. A Computer
In the future, (which we are living in, thankfully) the next Justin Bieber could just be a photo composite of the best traits from the top teen heartthrobs of the new millennium. The new Bieber can have Joe Jonas’ eyebrows, Zac Efron’s perfect tan, and Andrew Garfield’s distinctive nose, but unfortunately not the Biebs’ signature head of hair - that will be preserved in the Smithsonian for former millennials - now parents of younger millennials to stare in wonder and awe of its perfection. Or something like that.
8. A Shaggy Dog
Back in the 1960’s (and even much, much earlier with shows like Lassie and movies like Old Yeller), doggie stars were like the Biebers of their day, only with way more body hair. Why not now? People would revere those four-legged friends, waiting in line to get that paw-graph much like anyone under 20 does for Bieber or a Kardashian. (Though a dog by comparison would probably look 10x’s better than they in the same Costco-allotted amount of eyeliner.)
7. An Amazing Plate Of French Fries
How many times have you bit into the crispy deliciousness of a fresh-out-of-the-fryer potato and thought to yourself, “I love these fries so much I could marry them.” Well in the future you can, and you just may.
6. A Glimmer In A Father’s Eye
In other words, maybe the next Justin Bieber hasn't even been born yet - it’s that distant in the future, and the suspected age of which he’ll achieve pop superstardom is undoubtedly younger than the Biebs’ scant 16 years. My money’s on a 6 year old practicing drums in a Guitar Center in the next couple of years, and I call dibs on “discovering” him first.
5. A Purple Hoodie
Perhaps it’s not the man that makes the hoodie, but the hoodie that makes the man and the secret essence to the Biebs lies in his American Apparel sweatshirt. It’s worth a shot!
4. A Book
Just kidding! Nobody reads anymore or ever will again.
3. A Robot
Due to the overwhelming demand of his live tour raising unprecedented amounts of stress, particular to such a young adolescent body, it’s amazing to me that no one’s thought of a Justin Bieber robot sooner. It could be called Biebot and all of it's songs would be auto-tuned.
2. Zac Efron
This is a trick question, since everyone knows that Zac Efron was Justin Bieber before Justin Bieber. But perhaps Zac Efron was Justin Bieber this whole time and he desperately wanted to remain in the public eye while achieving the Guinness World Record for the most elaborate prank, ever. Either way I’m impressed.
1. Justin Bieber
There’s a fork in the road for every pop star--one side leads to Madonna reinvention and immortality, and the other leads to Rebecca Black’s “Friday.” Perhaps the Biebs could come back, post-puberty, post-haircut and post-life experiences, with some undoubtedly inspired yet dark stuff. Or, perhaps he could be the answer to a question on Jeopardy, either is acceptable.
Who do you think will be the next Justin Bieber? I wanna hear your suggestions in the comments!