10 TV Kids I Wanna See Get Bitch-Slapped
I know that the children are our future, it gets better, WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?? and all that good stuff. I get it. And I do NOT condone violence against children IRL no matter how obnoxious they are. But wouldn't it be okay to applaud a little fictional violence against some fictional kid characters every once in awhile? What better use for CGI than a few hardcore bitch-slaps against some of the most annoying kid characters out there! Here's a look at 10 I'd like to see take a little corporal punishment. In theory...
Perhaps if Hannah Montana got a little occasional face spanking she wouldn't have gone from an innocently annoying girl, who goofs around by shoving carrots in her mouth, into a teen trollop who goofs around by shoving her boyfriend's penis-shaped cake into her mouth. Okay, wait that was Miley Cyrus. This show has thoroughly confused me as to who's who. But both these girl's need to be TAMED!
Carl--The Walking Dead
This kid DOES NOT FRIGGIN' LISTEN! He needs to be bitch-slapped. And by bitch-slapped I mean given to a mob of hungry Walkers who teach him, once and for all, why it's important to STAY IN THE FRIGGIN' HOUSE! Lesson learned the hard way.
Meg Griffin--Family Guy
Mostly I wanna see Meg snap out of her constant state of self-loathing and insecurity. And NOT in a uncontrollable rage-y kind of way. Stand up for yourself girl! Don't let your fat ugly father insult you. You're voiced by Mila Kunis for crying out loud! That's gotta get you some hot points!
Jenny Humphrey--Gossip Girl
Everyone hates Jenny Humphrey. She's like Raymond only hated. She needs a kick in her ass to remind her that being from Brooklyn is not the height of childhood abuse. The children of Uganda are like "Say WHA??? Beeeyotch?" I mean I think It's directed at Jenny Humphrey. It could also have been directed at the Invisible Children charity co-founder who went on that public fapping spree.
Dawn Summers--Buffy The Vampire Slayer
I don't even remember why I hated Dawn so much. It's just what all of us Buffy fans did back then. All I know is that I wanted Buffy to slay her. And that I wanted to take Angel into my arms and comfort him. Poor thing was so emotionally wounded. I knew that for sure too.
Ralph Wiggum--The Simpsons
This poor little doofus! It may seem cruel to be violent towards a creature so dim-witted buuuut....HE PICKS HIS NOSE! I can take a half-brain but I can NOT take a booger eater. It's literally making me ill just thinking about it. Now I can't stop thinking about it. MOVING ON!
Tate Langdon--American Horror Story
Do we have to even feel bad about being violent towards Tate? First of all he's a ghost. Second of all, HE OPENED FIRE ON KIDS IN THE LIBRARY AT SCHOOL!! Oh yeah, spoiler alert, I guess. Need more? He's kind of all moody and emo. That alone would justify a bitch-slap. Then he can write a poem about it. I'll allow that.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, Rachel is SO wretched she actually makes me hate talent. I would totally watch Glee: The Later Years if Rachel's dreams never came true and she was a washed-up junkie with questionable income streams. Maybe that's going too far. At the very least she needs a bitch-slushie to the face!
Butters Stotch--South Park
I love Butters. But anyone who is unaware that they have a doo doo moustache on their face needs a serious wake-up call. In the form of a whoop upside the head! I have to admit though, he does seem kind of fun to abuse. But I would never do a doo doo prank.
Joffrey--Game Of Thrones
This video is the answer to my dreams!! Now if only Arya slays this beast, all my Game of Thrones dream will have come true! Oh wait, I forgot about the one where Ned Stark comes back to life and is either my boyfriend or my daddy. Or in true Game of Thrones style...BOTH! Now imma have to bitch slap myself.
Who is your least favorite TV kid? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!