10 Types Of Facial Hair You Should Avoid

I'm all for people expressing themselves, but can't they find a better way than facial hair fails? Especially when it leads to one-upping the beard and 'stache fails of others? Here's the 10 facial hair fails that make me wanna attack people with a razor and go Delilah on their Samson asses!

 

Monkey Tail Beard

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The first thing I think when I see this monstrosity is I hope the doctors don't give him the protective apron when he gets x-rays. I want that sperm's power annihilated by radiation. The second thing I think is anus mouth. No one wants to kiss anus mouth. I hope.

 

Pedo/Porn 'Stache

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Your mustache makes you look like you wanna get with jailbait or a woman who works under the name Cherry Poppins. If you see this 'stache on a dude, hide yo kids and yo wife.

 

Asymmetrical Beard

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Congratulations, a-hole! You look like your friends punked you when you passed out after drinking too much Pabst Blue Ribbon.

 

Soul Patch

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Every time I see a one of these I think of some sensitive a-hole playing Hey, Soul Sister on an acoustic guitar. That's bad. Then I think of committing a felony against him with his own instrument. That part is good.

 

Dreadlock Beard 

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This beard probably smells of patchouli and is bound together with seitan. Yuck. It also reminds me that I really need to brush my cat's hair more. Before she gets nasty-a** cat dreads.

 

Overly-Manicured

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This guy thinks he looks FINE. If he wasn't a wannabe gang-banger, I'd really set him straight.

 

Really, REALLY Overly-Manicured

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OH THE HUMANITY! It's like a boy band and tribal tattoo had a baby that I really wanna punch in the face.

 

Forehead 'Stache

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This is a mugshot, which is very appropriate for this crime against good taste.

 

Amish Beard (When You're Not Amish)

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This goes for Abe Lincoln beards when you're not Abe Lincoln as well. If you use electricity and haven't emancipated the slaves, STOP IT!

 

Peach Fuzz

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If you're a girl or a boy or a Bieber...get rid of the lip fuzz. It makes us question your gender. And the world is confusing enough without having to decipher this:

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What kind of facial hair are you sick of seeing? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

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