10 Worst High School Jobs

I was sitting bored at work the other day thinking about how bored I was at said work that said day. When I realized that no matter what I end up doing in life, nothing will be worse than the crappy, part time summer high school jobs I used to have. I would work an entire summer, dealing with crappy customers and horrible bosses to make $5 an hour. I understand there’s a recession, but some jobs are best left unoccupied. So I put together a list of the 10 worst high school jobs.

 

10. MOVIE THEATER

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Movie theaters are the happiest places on Earth (second only to Legoland) and yet for some reason customers feel the need to treat all the employees like insects. Never has a normal, typical working kid been looked at like an idiot more than when he or she is standing in front of a popcorn machine. Maybe it’s all Snowcaps, or maybe people are just jerks, but just cause you’re spending 9$ on milk dud doesn’t mean you get to be a douche about it.

 

9. SALES

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Whether it’s selling knives to your friends parents or annoying people with a remote control helicopter at the mall; being a salesman makes you an ass. Adults are used to a completely soulless interaction for the purpose of selling a product. But kids shouldn’t have to deal with this, not yet, let us have some integrity as a teenager (God knows us guys throw out every other bit in an attempt to get laid).

 

8. THE ARMY

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Why spend your summer going somewhere warmer, waking up at 5am, and getting yelled at by some drill sergeant? That’s just silly. Oh plus the whole getting shot at for all the times thing too by the dub.Don’t get me wrong (insert obligatory “support our troops” message) but seriously you guys, take a minute to think about this. You can graduate high school and still have PLENTY of time left to go play Callof Duty live.

 

7. ICE CREAM SHOP

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What’s worse than getting shot at in the Middle East? Pounding chucks of ice cream and Heath bars with metal sticks for hours on end while singing about how much you love Coldstone. My sister worked here in high school and I spent an entire summer chilling at the counter and dropping nickel after nickel in the tip jar. TL;DR – I once got kicked out of a Coldstone.

 

6. GREENPEACE

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“Excuse me sir do you have a minute to save our—“ “Excuse me sir do you have a minute—“ “Excuse me sir-- DAMNIT!” No one should be forced to walk around with a clipboard outside a Trader Joes all day just to be ignored by “hippies” who spend more on fruit leathers than environmental change. The problem with this job is you may actually feel like you are helping to make a difference. When the rest of the world just sees you as a walking, breathing telemarketing call.

 

5. CAMP COUNSELOR

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This is tough because being a camp counselor CAN be the best job in the world, but it can also be the worst. You’re dealing with kids who view you as being solely responsible for their summer; you can make it or break it and that’s a lot of pressure. No teenager should be forced to have that much responsibility over a child, that’s why we have Roe v. Wade.

 

4. WAITER

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Being a waiter is a right of passage in Amurrca. It’s like our version of Israel’s forced military participation. Every young person must endure a rigorous tour of serving stoned losers at an Applebees so they can hopefully afford that Hyundai Accent that will set them free once they graduate high school. There’s nothing worse than a customer who abuses the power that comes with simply being a customer. If you’re a waiter, just remember, these people aren’t better off than you, they’re even more bitter.

 

3. FARMER

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Guys, if you end up working on a farm in high school, enjoy it. It’s the most work you will ever do in your entire life! Seriously, just join the army. However there are upsides to farm work; free hay, cows are cool, horse riding, farm girls, fighting aliens with water, playing baseball with ghosts…

 

2. CEO OF CITIBANK

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Man, things are getting heated in this country. Occupy Wallstreet? Gross. Call me when they occupy Chipotle, AMIRIGHT!? But I digress. Being the CEO of any major bank right now is a dangerous, horrible, thankless job. While it may look good on college resumes, being a CEO leaves no time for a social life. The trade off is you’ll have enough money to literally BUY the NYPD. But still, summer after senior year is all about breaking laws and being reckless. Wait…

 

1. INTERN

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Nobody wants to intern, it’s a thankless job. The only thing worse than being an intern is listening to another intern brag about their better internship. Here’s the thing; there will always be someone with a cooler job than yours. (For example, I got paid to write this ^) But just remember; take some pride in what you do. Whether you’re a waiter or making coffee at NBC, make it positive. You’ll have plenty of time when you get older to regret what you’re currently doing.

 

What was your worst job? Let me know in the comments below or tweet it at me @danborrelli

 

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