10 Worst Moments Of This Year's Emmys

Last night were the 63rd annual Primetime Emmy awards, and like most years, the show was basically unwatchable. Jane Lynch is seriously one of the funniest people in the universe and her opening number was so boring that I looked away form my TV and started to read a book. I mean, the book was Game of Thrones so it's still kind of a TV thing, but I think you get my intention. I think you get my intention. Here are the things that bothered me the most about this year's Emmys:


Modern Family wins, like, all the awards


Seriously, the first five awards were for Modern Family - It honest to God felt like I was stuck in a time warp. I kept asking my friends around me if they were ahving unique experinces or if they too were seeing only Modern Family win Emmys. It was like being in solitary confinement, I started to feel anxiety, wondering if this was how my life was going to be from now on, an endless stream of Modern Family Emmy wins. "Will it ever end?" I began to ask myself. "Will I ever see my mom again? I hope she knows I love her. I hope she knows... oh, Modern Family won for best direction. Ha ha, oh my. Ha ha ha." And then I bit my own forearm and made giraffe noises for like 45 minutes.


Lonely Island performs songs we've heard before


Listen, of course we love Lonely Island. We just want some new songs already! We get it, you're on a boat. We've known you were on a boat since our mid-30s coworker who wears novelty ties on Fridays invited us over to his desk and made us watch the video, nudging us in the ribs and winking the entire time it played.


Peter Dinklage wins for Game of Thrones


This was actually a rad thing about the Emmys, because Game of Thrones is awesome and Peter Dinklage is really great. But something about that little microphone doesn't sit well with me. It seems somehow disrespectful. Like he can't use the big people's microphone? I guess he physically cannot, huh? Maybe this was a smart choice. Anyhow, Game of Thrones! Whoo!


Downton Abbey wins some category


What is Downton Abbey? I had never heard of it, and I spend so much time with TV I refer to the first day of Autumn as "the season premiere". So after Downton Abbey won Best miniseries last night, I decided to sit down and watch the pilot episode. It was all stuffy and British though, so instead I watched about seven episodes of Boy Meets World. Boy Meets World should have won the Emmy for Best Miniseries. Boy Meets World should win every Emmy.


Jesse Pinkman showed up in The Office

Jesse Pinkman from Breaking Bad did a sketch where he went into Dunder Mifflin to deal drugs. And it's not that the sketch was bad, it's more that this throws the reality of both shows into question. Does Breaking Bad take place in the same universe as The Office? What else don't we know about overlapping TV universes? Might House show up on Glee? Could Sookie from True Blood be the titular mother on How I Met Your Mother? Is Doctor Who going to show up on Dexter? I am not even a little bit comfortable with that.


Leonard Nimoy in this bit instead of Alec Baldwin

Originally, the role of television president was going to be played by Alec Baldwin, because he plays a network president on a television show, but he left because his radical leftist politics required him to attack Fox News or Dick Cheney or corporate tax cuts or whatever. So Emmy producers went with Leonard Nimoy, which was a safe choice - this man doesn't have any politics at all. Leonard Nimoy spends too much time hiding from Star Trek fans upset about continuity errors to even vote.


Film stars win Emmys and are excited, they guess


Some people dream they'll someday win an Emmy. But with all these film people winning Emmys this year, including Kate Winslet, Martin Scorsese, and Juliana Marguliese (who played a stripper in Steven Seagal's Out For Justice), it can't help but seem like they look at it as a runner's up prize to their Oscars. It's like eating a bowl of Fruity Pebbles and then choking down some goddamn Grape Nuts.


Mad Men wins Best Drama


I believe this is the 452nd year that Mad Men has won Best Dramatic Series. And it's hard to argue with that, because Mad Men is an amazing show. But maybe it's time to spread some of that love around? Honestly, Mad Men creator Matthew Wiener has swimming pools full of Emmys. The man gives them out to trick-or-treaters. And I'm especially disappointed in Mad Men's win because...


Friday Night Lights did NOT win Best Drama


For just a number of reasons, Friday Night Lights is like the best show in history. And last night its star Kyle Chandler won Best Lead Actor in a Drama and showrunner Jason Katims won Best Writing in a Draama but somehow lost Best Drama to Mad Men? What more is there to television than writing and acting? Did Mad Men have better costume design? Did y'all just have a "gut feeling"? I think I'm being trolled by the Emmy voters.


Emmy predictions are proven correct

I know, I know. All the trade magazines and entertainment writers predicted it wouldn't happen, but that doesn't mean you don't watch the show from home and hope against hope that it will. I am of course referring to the fact that the Game of Thrones cast didn't take the stage to behead anyone. It just goes to show you how out of touch the executives putting on these award shows really are!

What did you think was rough about the Emmys? Let us know in the comments!

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