10 Worst Places to Spend New Year's Eve
On New Year’s Eve, you want to want to watch the ball drop at a hotel party with Beyonce. You do NOT want to do any of these things.
1. Family Singalong
With Mom on the piano and Dad on guitar, you’ll get to hang out with old people and sing Michael Row Your Boat Ashore, Kumbaya and Auld Lang Syne while you drink Martinelli’s Sparkling Apple Cider with Aunt Judy and Uncle Carl.
2. Grandma’s Knitting Group
Knitting is cool, but spending NYE with your grandma is not, especially when her knitting group consists of “friends” she knitted herself.
If you’re dumb enough to get arrested, you might find yourself in a holding cell with a nice fellow who wants you to be his prison bitch or, God help you, Lindsay Lohan.
4. In Spain in the Year 1500
Ah, the joyful time of the Spanish Inquisition, when folks everywhere were being tortured for heresy. You’re being slowly ripped apart by a medieval torture machine, and chances are good you’ll be burned alive on a pyre the next day. Oh, and there’s no internet or texting.
5. In an Elevator with the Jonas Brothers, Snookie and the Devil
We could hang with the devil, but NOT Snookie or the Jonas Brothers. She’d probably sing “Burnin Up” with them, and then you'd have to pour bleach in your ears.
6. Trapped in a Crevasse with Your Arm Pinned Under a Boulder
Especially not during hour 120, when you start sawing your arm off with a tiny pocket knife.
7. In A Bear Pit
New year, new you, new skin grafts and face transplant.
8. On the Run from Zombies
In theory, zombies are cool, but not so much when you meet them IRL. You can shoot them, but you’ll eventually run out of ammo. Of course, you could hang with Bill Murray, which would be pretty cool.
9. In the Underwater Kingdom of Otoh Gunga with Jar Jar Binks
Now that he’s been un-exiled, he’s back in his homeland, with millions of other Gungans who are just like him. You can spend the night in a cantina singing jolly songs with the stupidest alien race ever created.
10. Spa Night at Bieber’s House
After the mud masks and massages, you can give each other makeovers! If only his nail polish and cologne line be available…Justin painting your nails would be very sensual.
What are you doing NYE? Tell us about it in the comments.