12 Craziest Pieces Of Star Wars Merchandise

Star Wars: Episode One-The Phantom Menace will be released in 3D on February 10th. Can we all say 'DO NOT WANT!'  The Star Wars Franchise has produced a lot of crazy stuff over the years that leaves me feeling the same way.  Here's a look at some of the crazy weird, crazy awesome and crazy weird yet kind of awesome Star Wars merchandise released over the years. Some of it which I kind of do want.

 

C3PO Tape Dispenser

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This just makes me extremely uncomfortable. I mean every time I need some tape I have to 'buff' C3PO's crotch? And that John Mayer face ain't helping matters!

 

Space Slug Oven Mitt

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This one is actually kind of crazy cool. Except the part about sticking your forearm up an Exogorth's rear end. I'm just saying! Once you think it, you can't unthink it!

 

Tauntaun Sleeping Bag

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You know what I don't wanna sleep in? The disemboweled carcass of a loyal companion. I don't care how warm they might keep you!

 

R2D2 Meat Smoker

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I love me some smoked meats...but there's something a little disturbing about smoking them in the most adorable robot like ever. It's like he died and we're using his recycled shell to make delicious ribs. Green-living has never seemed so heartless.

 

Jedi Bath Robe

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This robe is kind of rad, but it probably only looks cool when you bow your head creepily. It should totally come with those Anakin Sith eyes! That would make it extra rad.

 

Chewbacca Backpack

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Why does this disturb me so much?  It's like a wookie and an ewok had a baby and then that baby got all clingy with me. I don't want to give an ewookie a piggy back ride. I'm also getting a little OCD over that guy's pants pockets. Sure, he has a meticulously replicated phaser, but an iron? Not so much.

 

Star Wars Toaster

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At first glance this seems cool...but who the hell wants to eat burnt toast? Plus it seems a little disrespectful to slather Nutella all over Darth Vader's face. Mmmmm Nutella. Healthy frosting.

 

Yoda Magic Eight Ball

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This is kind of awesome. I mean who doesn't want Yoda as their personal mentor? Even if you do have to look up his skirt to get those words of wisdom. Why are those children smiling? WHAT'S UP THERE!?!

 

Light Saber Air Sickness Bag

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Virgin Airlines produced these Jedi barf bags to celebrate the release of Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. They should have given them out when you purchased a ticket to see the movie. Cause it left me feeling a little sick seeing what Lucas had done to a once great franchise.

 

Wampa Skin Rug

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WHO WOULD WANT THIS??? A guy who owns a slave-girl Leia costume with hopes that he might one day have a girlfriend. 

 

Lando Calrissian Disguise Kit

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If you wanna look EXACTLY like Lando Calrissian, then you need this kit. I kind of want this. Even chicks wanna be Lando sexy.

 

Jar Jar Binks Candy

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WTF!?!  There is no one's tongue I want in my mouth less than Jar Jar Binks. Well maybe the Biebs. And the rear segment of a human centipede.

Which is your favorite crazy Star Wars Merchandise? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

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