21 Celebrity Perfumes That Really Stink

If your bottle of Kim Kardashian’s “Voluptuous” is empty...

We would like to recommend a few other celebrity perfumes...

 

1. Jack Black’s “Cologne du Sac Velu”

The hairy actor of “School of Rock” fame has broken records with this decidedly adult bouquet, which carries the savory odors of flatulence, unwashed hair and three-day-old tighty-whities. Delicious!

 

2. Amy Winehouse’s “Radiance”

Your mother will love Amy’s new perfume! Celebrating the beauty in every woman, “Radiance” smells sweetly of cigarettes, body odor and the aftermath of a three-week bender.

 

3. Whoopi Goldberg’s “Menopause”

You'll enjoy the View of this stand-up comic’s signature fragrance, “Menopause." A musky fragrance that will make you get up and walk out of the room every time Bill O'Reilly comes on the TV.

 

4. Osama bin Laden’s “Terroriste”

“Terroriste” celebrates the salty pungency of the unwashed desert nomad. Look for it in Wal-Marts nationwide.

 

5. Rosie O’Donnell’s “Surly Beaver Parfum”

A snappy little fragrance filled with the bracing odors of Cheetos, floor wax and the outdoors, Surly Beaver Parfum will appeal “The View” fans worldwide.

 

6. Iggy Pop’s “L’Air du Undead”

Although Iggy Pop hasn’t been relevant since 1981, his new cologne is poised to become a number-one seller with zombies, vampires and phantasms.

 

7. Renee Zellweger “Constipation”

Following the huge success of “Case 39,” Renee Zellweger launched her new fragrance just in time for Thanksgiving. Counter those tryptophans with “Constipation.”

 

8. Tom Cruise’s “Denial"

Perfect for men and women, “Denial” is flavored with the rugged scents of psychiatric patients and Catholic schoolgirls.

 

9. Courtney Love’s “Pungeance”

Tender notes of Pepto Bismol mixed with the heady odor of urinal cakes will appeal to the special lady in your life.

 

10. Steve Buscemi’s “Jaundice”

Who says a sick liver can’t smell delightful? Steve Buscemi’s “Jaundice” is a breezy cologne that will pique your senses.

 

11. Sandra Bernhard’s “Tri-Sexual”

Sandra Bernhard’s “Tri-Sexual” captures the elusive aroma of indecision. Find it in the men’s and women’s fragrance counter at your local Target.

 

12. Tommy Chong’s “Bouquet du Skunk”

This smoky scent will seep into your pores and linger for days.

 

13. Calista Flockhart’s “Bag of Bones”

“Alley McBeal” and “Brothers & Sisters” fans alike will love Calista’s new perfume, which celebrates the tangy flavors of rice cakes and water.

 

14. Michael Douglas’s “Sensual Grandpa”

The cultured gentleman will love dousing himself with this unique blend of Aqua Velva, Old Spice and Depends. Your grandma will love it, too!

 

15. Barbra Streisand’s “Ego”

Barbra Streisand really has a nose for what appeals to women. The perfect holiday gift for your mom or drag-queen cousin, “Ego” is only available at K-Mart.

 

16. Marilyn Manson’s “Cadaver”

If you find the scent of a morgue intriguing, you’ll die for Marilyn Manson’s exciting new cologne.

 

17. Flavor Flav’s “Time’s Up”

Who says an aging has-been with a clock around his neck can’t create a sensational men’s cologne?

 

18. Kirstie Alley’s “Stench of a Lady”

The makers of Courtney Love’s “Pungeance” are delighted to introduce a full-bodied perfume from another classy lady, “Veronica’s Closet” star Kirstie Alley.

 

19. Jack Nicholson’s “Joyful Man Breasts”

Fans of Michael Douglas’s “Sensual Grandpa” will want to add Jack Nicholson’s classic new cologne to their medicine cabinet shelf. Spray liberally around your man bosom for an enticing, elevator-filling effect!

20. Danny DeVito’s “Scent of an Old Man”

The perfect gift for the “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” fan in your life, this delicate cologne is redolent of whisky, Lysol and Rhea Perlman’s soiled nylons.

 

21. Justin Bieber’s “Pre-Pubessence”

If you are a teenage boy that wants to smell like a 10-year-old girl, this is the scent for you!

 

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