5 Craziest Family Members I'll See This Thanksgiving
My favorite Holiday is, without a doubt, Thanksgiving.
It marks the beginning of the two month period that the temperature outside is bearable in Phoenix. I like the fact that I get see some of my relatives that I only get to see once a year...
And for good reasons!
I only see you once a year and that is about all I can take. You greet me as one would greet a child “look at you, you are getting so big”.
I do recall that a few years ago, as I turned 30, you sent me a birthday present of a stuffed teddy bear. As you are not one to send ironic gifts I will just assume you still think I am 10 years old.
You have not changed in 30 years, you are still as creepy as I recall. You always smell like gasoline and Vics vapor rub. You are a weird cat and I applaud your consistency.
The last time I saw you you went on a two hour diatribe extolling the virtues of bowling alley nachos and then you just fell asleep.
Great Aunt Victoria:
You have to be like 100 years old and you are always dressed as if you are at a dinner party. I have never seen you sober and you smoke like a chimney. I love the fact that you can't finish a sentence that doesn't have a 4 letter word in. You are a grand ole dame and I love your stories about being a “flapper”.
My last memory of you is the time you told me how Herbert Hoover kept grabbing your ass at a Sadie Hawkins Day dance.
I have no idea who you are. I think you married someone who was married to a family member. Even though I don't know you and we never speak you always want to hug me. A very creepy hug that lasts too long. You are not a TSA worker so back off!
The one time that I did try to engage you in a conversation you would told be about the coming space alien invasion and other conspiracy theories that seemed to haunt your waking hours
You are really the person that I come to Thanksgiving dinner to see. You are crazy and wonderful at the same time. I love your stories about the old days that always end with “I think my sister stole it”. No matter what the story is about, it always ends that way.
I can never tell if the stories you tell are made up, half-truths, real or a combination. It doesn't really matter as I love your stories, especially how you and sisters found a dinosaur and trained it to carry you into town.
But then your sister stole it.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone in my family and all you Smosh readers out there. Enjoy those crazy family memebers and eat lots of stuffing!
Tell us about your crazy family memebers in the comments below!