5 Reasons It's No Longer Cool To Like Chuck Norris
[Editor's note: opinions in the following aticle reflect the views of the author. Don't roundhouse kick us!]
Hello Smosh Reader, didn’t see you there. Before you scroll through the content of this page to type, “first” (time spent wisely), let’s clear something up. It’s come to my attention that Chuck Norris is still a thing. I am not going to deny all the joy I’ve felt from his rise to meme. His kitschy charm, his horrible career and endless product endorsements are a thing of legend. But it has to stop. It’s not going to be easy and you will be met with much resistance. They will use Chuck Norris facts against you and against this article in a flailing attempt to dissuade you. But stay strong, those people are probably from another country where they’re hearing the joke for the first time. And if not, they’re just douches. Here are a few reasons why the Chuck Norris love should end.
The Chuck Norris Joke is Old and You Should Feel Old
Quick history. When NBC and Universal merged at the tail end of 2003, then Late Night host Conan O’Brien was able to use Walker Texas Ranger clips for free. The Walker Texas Ranger lever was born! March 4 2005, the movie “The Pacifier” is released to theatres. The film starred Vin Diesel as a Navy SEAL-turned-babysitter. In response the SomethingAwful forums began a mocking generator called “Post Your Vin Diesel Facts”. Popular at first The Vin Diesel Fact Generator got old so they asked people to vote for the next fact generator. The winner by a landslide was Chuck Norris - who wasn’t even on the list. Folks, it’s 2012. This all went down when I was in High School. It’s time to move on.
Chuck Norris Almost Made Expendables 2 PG-13
When Sylvester Stallone wanted to collect all the bloated and aged action stars like geriatric, low danging poke balls, it was only a matter of time before Chuck Norris was called. And the nation rejoiced! Until the very conservative (more on this later) Norris was concerned that the film’s language was too badass for younger viewers and championed a kid friendly/enraging PG-13. He won, for a time. But luckily (is that the right word for this sequel?), the hard R prevailed, no thanks to Mr. Norris.
Chuck Norris Will Never Beat Bruce Lee
Chuck Norris is a Right Wing Nut Job…
This video is hilarious until you realize that he’s not alone in thinking this. Besides having no earthly clue what Socialism actually means, I believe this video is coming from a place of fear and ignorance. Much like his other delusional beliefs.
…Who Is Anti-Gay Rights
But let’s let Chuckles speak for himself:
” Dr. Jim Nelson Black, founder and senior policy analyst of the Sentinel Research Associates in Washington, D.C., wrote an excellent book, “Freefall of the American University.” In it, he documents the clear biases pervading our public academic settings. Among that lopsidedness is the intentional training of students to disdain America, freely experiment sexually, forcefully defend issues like abortion and homosexuality, as well as become cultural advocates for political correctness, relativism, globalization, green agendas and tolerance for all.” –World Net Daily
Get that you brainwashed academics! Chuck Norris believes in tolerance; you tolerating his hateful speech in your face. He has also vocalized his disdain for gays in the Boy Scouts as well as an act that sought to protect people from hate crimes. I don’t care how funny the jokes have been, he doesn’t need more publicity if this is how he uses it.
Still think there’s a third fist under Chuck Norris’ beard instead of the liver spotted face of a bigot? (I’m sure you will) Let me know on Twitter or leave your opinion in the comments below!