6 Movies Coming Out in 2013 that Will Make 2012 Seem Boring as Hell

I won't lie to you, 2012 was a good year for movies. We got The Avengers, The Hobbit, The Master, The Dark Knight Rises, and Silver Linings Playbook, which I absolutely BAWLED through. But since the future is invariably more exciting than the past, 2013 is looking to blow 2012 AWAY vis a vis exciting, awesome movies. Here are the 2013 movies that are going to make 2012 movies seem like 1912 movies.

 

Star Trek: Into Darkness

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The last J.J. Abrams-directed Star Trek movie killed off both Kirk's parents AND Spock's entire homeworld, which means that in its sequel, ANYTHING can happen. Like, Bones could turn evil or Scotty could get pregnant with Kirk's baby. Hmm, that shouldn't turn me on as much as it does.

It must also be pointed out that all the destruction surrounding the guy in this poster turns into the emblem for Star Fleet, which took me way, WAY too long to realize. When I first saw it I was all like "WHAAAT SON that be a STAR TREK logo up in that darkness" and ran around my apartment going "AWWWW DAAMN" for like and hour.

 

Hunger Games: Catching Fire

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The second Hunger Games movie will be awesome for two reasons: One, there will be more Peeta, who is the goofiest character in film history. Seriously, this guy's strategy to win the Hunger Games was to use his cake decorating skills to look like a rock. Are you kidding me, Peeta? The only thing dumber than bringing a knife to a gun fight is bringing a PAINT BRUSH to a HUNGER GAMES. You are dumber than an AGE-OLD ADAGE.

Second, Catching Fire will go down in history as the first film to solve every sequel's "Why is the same crazy thing happening to this character again?" problem. Speaking of which...

 

A Good Day to Die Hard

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A Good Day to Die Hard will literally be the fifth time that John McClane arbitrarily stumbles into a terrorist's plan and has to save the day by shooting loads of guns and destroying lots of public property.

After McClane drove a motorcycle into a helicopter in the fourth Die Hard, all bets are off. Don't be surprised to see McClane find a gun that shoots rhinoceroses and use it to take down a terrorist in Bowser's flying clown boat from Super Mario World.

 

Monsters University

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Monsters University is, like, top 3 Pixar movies, so any more time we get to spend with Mike and Sully is more than welcome. This movie is a prequel though, which are usually hard to do since we know a lot of what's going to happen at the end. Monsters University shouldn't suffer from this dilemma, however. It's not like we were going into Monsters University thinking the Monsters were going to die or anything.

Although, wouldn't it be a surprise if they did? We'd be all "Were these Mike and Sullys the same Mike and Sullys we saw before?" and of course they wouldn't be, so the internet would LIGHT ON FIRE with all the fan theories and speculation. It'd be like the summers when Lost was on, when I had a pop culture mystery to distract myself from how STUNNINGLY HORRIBLE my life was. Also is.

 

The World's End

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The third film from Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg, and Nick Frost — who made Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, two of the funniest movies ever — will feature the trio's take on the disaster film. I hope Simon Pegg and Nick Frost eventually make a movie about their friendship in every genre, from film noir to westerns to even romantic comedies. Well, they've kind of all been romantic comedies — but friendship-style. Which I think we can all agree is the BEST kind of romance. Right? "Right!" I say to myself through tears.

 

Man of Steel

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This might finally be the Superman movie we've been waiting for. While it's being directed by Zach Snyder, the goofball who made Watchmen into a f*cking Mountain Dew commercial, it's produced by Christopher Nolan who FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MADE THE DARK KNIGHT. That means we're guaranteed a Superman that is, like Batman in the Dark Knight trilogy, the lone extraordinary thing in an otherwise recognizable world.

And I know how weird it is to say I'm looking forward to this movie more than any other because it's looking to be a grounded movie about an alien who wears primary colors and shoots lasers out of his eyes, but honestly, all the non-Dark Knight superhero movies have been candy and I am CRAVING some vegetables right now. Oh my God if my ten year old-self heard me say that he would punch grown-up me in the d*ck before going off to play Super Nintendo for sixteen hours.

 

What 2013 movie are you most looking forward to? Let me know on Twitter at @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!

 

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