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6 Reasons Hanukkah Is Awesome

It’s almost that time of the year again... Valentine’s Day! Just kidding. What is this, CVS after Halloween? I am still resentful that its premature Christmas aisle made me wish away a month of my life in anticipation of the better holidays (Thanksgiving, keep your head up). There’s still hope, however, as Hanukkah or (Chanukah) is right around the corner. The Festival of Lights is totally underrated awesome; here’s why you should get pumped.

Eight Nights, Obviously

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Okay, so you knew Chanukah had eight nights. But do you realize what that means? Aside from the fact that you’re getting eight presents, you’re also getting the chance to improve upon whatever happened when you celebrated the night before. Are you annoyed because they always let the boys light the candles? Fine, you can declare your feminism and do it the next night. Did you forget the words to one of the blessings? Get a crappy gift? There’s always tomorrow! And tomorrow! And the day after that! There’s not so much pressure and fighting when you know you have more than one shot at the ultimate holiday experience.

You’re Encouraged To Play With Fire

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If you’re always getting in trouble for futzing with flames, then this is the holiday for you to shine (pun intended). Lighting each consecutive candle without burning your fingers can be tricky, but when it comes to putting the shamash (middle candle) back after everything’s lit, well… let’s just say this task is only for the truly badass among us.

You Get Money Regardless

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Forget the “naughty or nice” business… you’re GOING to get money on Chanukah. Your relatives feel beholden to the tradition of giving “gelt” (money), and the tradition doesn’t mention anything about judging your actions during the past year. Live it up, hedonists!

Gambling Allowed

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The game of dreidel is really just a socially sanctioned form of gambling. There’s this spinning top, see, and whichever way it lands determines how much “gelt” you’re putting in the pot or taking for yourself. Who needs a casino when you have Nana’s house and a drunk uncle?

Deep-Fried Everything

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Hanukkah is all about oil – the oil in the flame that was used to light the ancient temple, and the oil in the latkes (potato pancakes) you devour. For a country that runs on waffle fries and chicken fried chicken, I can’t believe the celebration of oil has only been picked up by this small portion of the population.

There’s An Awesome Song About It

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Other than Adam Sandler’s. Bet you didn’t know this, but “All of the Lights” by Kanye West was written about this Jewish tradition. (It works if you take out the verses.) Flashin… Flashin…

What do you guys like about Chanukah? Let us know in the comments!

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Tags: boring, chanukah, hanukkah, heard, jew, jewish