6 Romantic Lessons From Video Games
People are always saying how video games help foster eye-hand coordination—coordination that will come in handy should quick action be needed during a zombie apocalypse. But few realize that if you play video games long enough you can learn some very crucial lessons about love, relationships, and chasing after your true desire while running away from Koopa Troopas.
Be prepared to face obstacles
Though the little Italian plumber’s heart may be a fickle beast—pining away for Pauline then Princess Daisy then Princess Peach in a shameless attempt to ascend social rank—Mario is always willing to prove his true love by confronting and overcoming whatever lies between and his lady of the moment, even if most of those obstacles seem to be the result of a self-ingested tab of acid.
Find your perfect match
Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to date someone who looks two exactly like you but with a hair bow and 8-bit mascara. But it does help if you share similar interests, even if they are compulsive eating, ghost hunting, and the unique inability to ever escape a series electronic corn mazes.
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship
Love is never simple. It’s rarely “meet cute.” Instead, it can more often than not be “meet an assassin living in an abandoned theme park who wants to kill a mob boss out of revenge for her sister and then gets shot for refusing to kill you only to then kill a U.S. Senator and then team up with you to stay alive but then die in your arms and reappear in a difficult game level.” It’s the classic romance story as old as Shakespeare himself.
Get away together
Just as journalist Elena Fisher accompanies Nathan Drake on their many treasure-hunting adventures, so should you and your loved one get away from it all for a few days. Of course, it will greatly help if by “getting away from it all” you mean traveling through the Himalayas, searching for the lost city of gold, or trekking across the largest sand desert in the world. Otherwise, it will just be the two of you staring at each other in a Hilton Express, wondering who will be the first to fall asleep before dinner.
There is nothing sexier than intelligence
Or at least artificial intelligence, as is the case of the relationship between Master Chief and Cortana, the holographic projection that has more than once helped saved John-117 and humanity from certain doom. Of course, it doesn’t hurt when that projection is wearing an outfit that consists of nothing but a pair of black leather suspenders. And when that sexy projection makes the ultimate sacrifice, Master Chief can’t help but feel a little bad for all the times he contacted her only to see her stand around almost completely naked.
Life is about love
Sure, one might say that the hearts in “The Legend of Zelda” games aren’t symbols of love but rather health. And one might even say that most games don’t use hearts but rather standard numeric life meters. And one could even add that for someone so gung-ho on reconnecting with his fair maiden, Link sure does spend an awful amount of time having dull conversations with townsfolk about missing cats. But instead, let’s focus on the fact that many games are about reconnecting with loved ones. That is, when they’re not about blowing up theocratic aliens. Or fighting another sword-wielding panda. Or banging hookers. My point may have gotten lost here at the end…
Any other lessons we missed? Let us know in the comments!