6 Signs It's Time To Stop Following Someone On Twitter

You gave them a chance. You waited for things to get better. You even excused how they end their every tweet with #GoodOne. But here are the six signs that that it’s time to stop following someone on Twitter once and for all.

Special Note: Naturally, showing a bunch of photos of people staring at their computers for this post would be unbelievably dull. So instead please enjoy the following six pictures of Homer Simpson having a colossal breakdown in response to bad twitter feeds.

 

They Treat Each Tweet as a Line from a 140-Page Manifesto

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Some tweeters have trouble keeping their thoughts to 140 characters. So they break down their comment into a series of short sentences that at first make sense (“What the hell was Emma Stone thinking wearing a giant red bow?!”) but seem harder to understand if you log on in the middle (“Which is why I throw up at the thought of owls”) until your entire Twitter page is filled with the equivalent of a story yelled at you in short bursts from a repeatedly passing car.

 

They Retweet a Retweet of a Retweet of Something They Originally Posted

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People like to be noticed. But what some people really like is for you to notice that other people are paying attention to them. First it starts with them retweeting a compliment they received for one of their tweets. Then they retweet the retweet of their own tweet so you know which tweet they got the compliment for. Then they post the reaction to the retweet of the retweet of the tweet until it’s six days and 176 retweets later and if you ever even see the letters “RT” again you will shotgun the first cleaning fluid you grab from under the sink.

 

#TheyJustWontStopDoingTheSameHashtagJoke

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Yes, it was slightly amusing the first time they did a #ReplaceMovieNamesWithHepatitisC joke (“Beauty and the Hepatitis C”). Then it got somewhat annoying after their fifth entry (“Hepatitis C and the Chipmunks”), Then six straight hours into the joke (“Diary of a Wimpy Hepatitis C”) you finally realize you’re following somebody with a wholly disturbing fetish for infectious liver diseases and a bizarre desire to take all the innocence out of children’s films.

 

They Live-Tweet Their Entire Day

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It’s perfectly okay to give followers a glimpse into your life from time to time. But no one wants a 24/7 documentary of every single moment of someone’s life, from waking up in the morning (“Guess who has bed head! Lol”) to eating breakfast (“Guess who had Special K Red Berries? Lol!”) to driving to work (“Guess who sideswiped an assisted living bus? Lol!”) to getting to the office (“Guess who got fired for taking a taste bite out of every burger I make? Lol”) to doing it all again the next day (“Guess who has no reason get out of bed anymore? Lol”).

 

They See Twitter as Just Another Battlefield in an Unending War with Everyone

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There’s nothing wrong with expressing a dissenting opinion on Twitter. But there’s something extremely unpleasant about a person whose reaction to every single tweet they read is a pointless slight (“Oh, you would like cheese.”), an outright attack (“Your head’s so far up you’re a** you’re looking out your own mouth”) or just another chance to show how they’re actually the one true victim of their own war (“I know why you’re really all unfollowing me! It’s called a vestigial tail! Get used to it!”)

 

They Don’t Exist

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In all fairness, the number of times they posted a link for “Getting Your Teeth Really White!”, “Check Out These White Teeth!” or “Sponsored By Colgate!” should have let you know that tweeter BakingSodaPeroxideWhitening1 was not the lifelong online friend you hoped they would be.

What other some other behavious that make you unfollow someone on Twitter? Let us know in the comments!

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