6 Things Kim Kardashian SHOULD Have Put On Her Wedding Registry

Just in case you live under a pop culture rock, today is the wedding of Kim Kardashian and her future ex-husband, Kris Humphries. Now go back under your rock, because trust me you are better off living there, where you won't have to suffer the RAGE incurred every time you're exposed to any detail of Kim Kardashian's life. But it's the weekend and I've got time to get my rage on, so I took a peek at Kim Kardashian's wedding registry and it's FRIGGIN' RIDICULOUS! Here's a look at what she's asking for and my suggestions as to what that money would be better spent on.

 

Wisdom Figurines, Price $735.00

(source) 

See no evil, hear no evil, say no evil. If ignorance is bliss then no one is more blissful than Kimmy K. These figures are as dumb as she is.

What she should spend that money on:

How about trying to better herself! Maybe she can buy the complete library of For Dummies books. She's gonna need an education if she wants to keep earning money after the world dumps her for the newest reality tramp. Your ass can only get you so far!

(source) 

 

 

Torchon Dinner Place Setting, Price $1600.00

(source)

Let's face it, if Kim doesn't keep the money flowing by looking hot, there will be no food to eat with this friggin' STUPID cutlery set.

What she should spend that money on:

Staying hot means keeping her excessive hair problem in check. $1600.00 is good for at least a few months of complete body waxes! Come to think of it, maybe she should just go natural. I actually like her better this way:

(source) 

 

1925 Coffee Pot, Price $1650.00

(source) 

I thought I was a friggiin' dummy for wasting money on Starbucks!

What she should spend that money on:

Help a brother out! Skip the coffee pot. Hire George Lopez to be another Kardashian sister for a week. He probably needs the money after having his show canceled, and his presence will remind Kim of what she would've looked like if her Mom didn't make that deal with the devil.

(source) 

 

24 Hermes Plates, Price $5400.00

(source) 

$5400.00 is a lot of dough to spend on some friggin' plates!  Especially for someone who barely eats.

What she should spend that money on:

Just retire already, Kim! You've got more than enough money! And we've had more than enough of you. You know you wanna get fat!  How good does it sound to shove 5400 dollars worth of street meat in your face, Kim???  I bet she's licking her lips just thinking about pounding a juicy kebab!

(source) 

Lalique Jar,  Price $975.00

(source) 

I don't even know what the hell this thing is and I know that it's a friggin' RIP-OFF!

What she should spend that money on:

 Kim needs to do is show she's more than just an anatomically correct bim-bot and introduce the world to her funny side. She can buy about 200 roles of Paris Hilton toilet paper instead. That should be good for a few months of wiping, maybe less considering the massive trunk she needs to clean!

(source) 

 

Baccarat Vase, Price $7850.00

(source) 

WHAT IN THE HELL?? Don't flowers come in FREE friggin' vases anyway??

What she should spend that money on:

For the same amount of money she can make her childhood dream of owning a horse come true! I'm pretty sure Kris would be on board because I just happened to find one of his childhood drawings and in it is a cute little horse drawing. I love how it also perfectly illustrates exactly what he's feeling today, the day he marries the girl of his dreams! 

(source) 

What do you think of the friggin' ridiculous wedding gifts Kim K. wants for a marriage that will, MARK MY WORDS, end in divorce? Rage with me @DesiJedeikin or let's discuss the FRIGGIN' Kardashian family and the fact that they are a blight on humanity in the comments!

Check Out Kim Kardashian's Rejected Publicity Stunts!