6 Things You Shouldn't Do On Your First Day Of Work

The concept of “The New Year” is more than just a throwaway celebration for the drunks and the Chinese. Sure, while you’re in school, January is basically a month for more school. But once you get out into the workforce, January is a month that can denote a genuine fresh beginning, the start of a different job. For those of you embarking on a new occupational adventure, here’s some stuff you shouldn’t do on your first day of work.

 

Wear Your Iffy Shirt

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You know the one I’m talking about. Ladies: it’s the one that sometimes puckers to expose a clear shot of your bra/boob. Guys: it involves a V-neck. Your first day of work is not the time to take fashion chances… unless you work in fashion, in which case, you shouldn’t be taking your clothing cues from a Smosh article.

 

Ask Who The Cool Kids Are

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As much as you’re going to want to know, please don’t ask this out loud. With careful lunchtime observation and an eye on who starts the most well-received email threads, these prize people should reveal themselves to you. It’s your call if you’re going to kiss butt or go the (riskier) awesome-new-kid route.

 

Announce You Are Single

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Admittedly, the potential of dating coworkers’ friends is a major reason our nation’s unemployment rate isn’t even higher. But there’s a delicate timeframe in which it’s socially acceptable to seek a set-up. Wait a couple weeks, then mope around like you’re “just getting out of a relationship.” People will think it’s their idea to introduce you to their attractive-and-you-don’t-know-what’s-wrong-with-them-yet friends!

 

Form An Alliance

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Prior to this day, you might have undergone an unemployment phase which included a lot of reality television. This isn’t Survivor, and your boss is not Ben from The Bachelor. Sit down. G-chat is like the confessional for people with a modicum of discretion.

 

Reveal How Much Of Your Resume Was Exaggerated

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You know how when you’re dating someone and you think you are both so cool that you don’t actually have to play The Game and you can just be yourself? And then you find out: no, you weren’t exempt? This is like that, only with you being cut off from your monetary livelihood in the end.

 

Point Out Anything Weird At The Office

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Even if it is weird, you are not allowed to say anything about it for at least a couple weeks. Otherwise, you’re the weird kid who doesn’t know his place. And when a newer guy starts, you’ll make him go through the same mental-isolation hazing you went through.

What other things should you not do on the first day of work? Have you made any of these mistakes? Let us know in the comments!

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