6 Topics to Avoid on a First Date
It’s a shame you never get a second chance at a first impression. Especially since it takes most people five or six times to realize what not to say on a first date. So to help here are a few topic to avoid mentioning in the hopes your evening goes without a hitch, an annoyed expression or a prolonged yawn from the other person.
Common Remarks: “I know we just met but could you go through my wedding album with me to see where I went wrong?” “You won’t believe what my ex said the day before, and the day before that, and every day I’ve called her since we broke up three years ago.” “You know, if you dyed your hair black, got blue contacts, and we legally changed your name to ‘Rachel’ you’d look exactly like my ex when we meet her next week.”
Talking about a past relationship often indicates you can’t let go of things, you have significant anger issues or you’ll spend most your dates driving back and forth in front of your ex’s house asking, “Look through the window! Are they seeing someone or just being held hostage?”
Common Remarks: “You’d think after spending $86,000 on tickets the state would take pity and rig just one lousy lottery for me.” “I’d make more money at my job if they didn’t keep docking me for gross negligence.” “Jeez, even the children’s menu expects me to break a twenty! I knew we should have filled up on those mints when we entered the restaurant!”
Going on and on about money can make you look superficial, unromantic, and especially cheap. Doing so while waiting for your date to pay the gas attendant for your fill up only makes it worse.
Your “Bold” Sense of Humor
Common Remarks: “I don’t know what it is about orphans that makes me laugh.” “Okay, before I tell this next anecdote keep in mind that I have the utmost respect for cripples.” “If you’re going to wince every time I tell an ethnic joke I’m never going to finish this story about my working at the U.N.”
While everyone likes to show they have a sense of humor, make sure it happens organically throughout the evening rather than immediately start off the date by saying “Here’s a good one about a bloated corpse…”
What You Expect in a Relationship
Common Remarks: “I just want someone who every time I say something pumps their fist and yells, ‘HELL YEAH!’” “I know it’s early but I need your hand in marriage and your liver before mine completely fails.” “I’ll let it slide because we just met but from now on I expect us both to wear matching jumpsuits.”
Nothing proves your romantic desperation like blurting out where you see this going right in the middle of the other person telling you their name.
How Life Keeps Screwing You Over
Common Remarks: “Nothing’s gone right ever since I ran over that gypsy and she used her mystical powers to sue me for everything I had.” “It’s bad enough having a rash across my entire chest. But why did it have to spell out THAT word?” “Who has two thumbs but can’t point to himself because he somehow got his hands encased in cinder blocks? This guy!”
The more you complain you less attractive you become, since it not only looks like you can’t handle anything but also shows you’d probably ruin even the best day possible by muttering, “Well yeah, I got a unicorn. But it doesn’t fly, now does it?”
Common Remarks: “The moment I saw you across the room I thought, ‘There’s someone who wants to hear everything about my career in sewage treatment.’” “Your story reminds me of the one about me I was thinking about when you were talking about God knows what.” “A lot of people don’t know what it’s like for me to surgically remove brain tumors, so I brought a PowerPoint Presentation.”
If a first date consists of the other person not getting a word in edgewise except for “Uh huh,” “Yeah,” Right,” or “Why won’t this butter knife slit my wrist?” then you’ve lost them.
What are some other topics you should avoid on a first date? Let us know in the comments!