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6 Ways The Nintendo 3DS Will Change The World

Posted By: Mikey McCollor on 03.28.11

Expectations are huge for the Nintendo 3DS-- the just-released handheld system that has an amazing 3D display. I recently sat down with some experts, who are all SUPER SMART, to discuss the implications of this monumental release. Here are some of the changes they've suggested we can expect in the coming weeks as the 3DS permeates our popular culture.

1. Glasses: A Relic of the Past!

3DS games are in 3D, but not like you're used to. You don't have to wear those ridiculous red and blue glasses! Where does the 3D come from, if not glasses? The answer might be wizards. No one knows.

2. 3 Hour Battery Life?!

The short battery life of the 3DS will change the way we play games. By not allowing us to play them. Honestly, if you want to play this system while, say, riding the bus, you'd better hope the hobo next to you lets you plug into his portable generator. Also hope that his portable generator isn't imaginary.

3. ZERO TOLERANCE for 2D

Check it out. You have 3D right there in your pocket. Do you really think you're going to have the patience for anything WITHOUT an added layer of depth? Experts are predicting a drop in sales for non-3D entertainment such as posters and Sudoku puzzles anywhere from ninety-six to one hundred percent. That's right, these mediums, for all intents and purposes, will CEASE TO EXIST.

4. Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time Remade!

It sounds like Nintendo has finally listened to what gamers have been saying for years: We're tired of games that aren't Ocarina of Time! Be honest, the remake of Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is the only reason you're getting the 3DS, isn't it? And after playing it on both the Nintendo 64 AND Gamecube, gamers will send a message loud and clear that they will buy a whole new system in order to play Ocarina of Time again. Nintendo is sure to listen-- by this time next year, expect ALL games released to be remakes of Ocarina of Time.

5. The Great Child Uprising

Children younger than 7 are unable to play the 3DS because of the damage it may cause to their still-developing eyes. This means that while we're all busy collecting medallions or whatever in Pilotwings Resort, those under seven will be unmonitored. Most experts believe they will use this time to meet. To gain influence. To grow power. Indeed, our politicians will be so consumed with Super Street Fighter IV they won't even notice the under 7 set has taken control of all branches of government! They will become our kings. And what glorious lives they shall lead-- Go-Gurts for all meals and cartoons to watch while you fall asleep! It's good to be king.

6. Sony's Attempt to Leapfrog Nintendo May Create a Fracture in the Laws of the Universe

It sounds like something out of one of your science fiction novels, doesn't it? In an attempt to gain the upper hand over rival Nintendo, Sony may delay the release of it's next handheld to include even MORE "D"s than the 3DS! Skipping right over 4D, Sony is expected to release the PSP 5D, a device that displays so many dimensions it may disrupt the very laws of physics. So when E no longer equals MC squared and gravity straight-up breaks in two, we'll have SONY to thank! "THANKS A LOT FOR RUINING SCIENCE, SONY" we'll all say. And then it'll be time to be sucked into a vortex forever.

So what do we think guys? Are these experts on the money? Are they just making it up as they go? Or are you too busy getting, I don't know, like, gold necklaces or something in Pilotwings to care? Let us know in the comments!

Check Out Nintendo 3DS May Diagnose Eye Problems!

Tags: 2d, 3ds, battery, change, everything, glasses, how, nintendo, oracina, sony, the, will, zelda

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47 Comments

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Nintendo megafan

3 days ago

No Rad, the Penis peea sucks ass. the only reason sony made it is because nintendo released a system so then the dickheads at sony said "oh nintendo cant just make something without us ruining it can they? and then they decided to make something like the Penis Peea just to say "oh look we have a new system, it's much better than that 3ds crap"

By the way I have a 3ds and it is AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

idkwthiam

44 weeks ago

Hey rad85 , Y U B Trollin'

Rad85

44 weeks ago

sony rules!!!

Rad85

44 weeks ago

PSP vita is better than that freaking ds sh8t!!!

mousy554

49 weeks ago

Dont forget nintendo zombies taking over the world

candy0064

56 weeks ago

holy $hit this blew my mind

Nazaket

56 weeks ago

why is the guy in the first picture naked?!!? wtfireruck

ninny55

58 weeks ago

Oops - link didn't work. Here it is:
href="http://www.nintendo3dsplayer.com"

ninny55

58 weeks ago

You may be interested to know that a new 3DS forum has been launched. You can find it here:
http://www.nintendo3dsplayer.com

Trovao

59 weeks ago

I know people who have bought the 3DS, they ended DEAD 7 days after!

Phantom Bob

59 weeks ago

must... get... 3DS... must ... get... job... to... get... $250...

jfnjanhjklsd

60 weeks ago

You Won't Drink any soda Soft Drink after watching the SHOCKING VIDEO BELOW...I BET
░░▒▓███► http://tinyurl.com/4k5qhxk ◄███▓▒░░

TTrules

60 weeks ago

i have it and it issssssss AWESOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEE

chocoholic1

60 weeks ago

it also gives you a mii by taking your picture!! Ocarina of time would be awesome!!!

DryYoshi

60 weeks ago

THE BATTERY ACTUALLY LASTS A LOT LONGER THAN YOU THINK!

llog1638

60 weeks ago

▍ ★∴
　　　．．．．▍▍．..．█▍ ☆ ★∵ …./
　　　◥█▅▅██▅▅██▅▅▅� �▅███◤
　　　．◥███████████� �███◤
　～～～～◥██████████� �██◤～～～～

WELCOME( http://jerseysell.org )
Fabulo

llog1638

60 weeks ago

ed har dy j-a-c-k-e-t

http://clothesmall.org/

fuwaragubara

60 weeks ago

You Won't Drink any soda Soft Drink after watching the SHOCKING VIDEO BELOW...I BET
░░▒▓███► http://tinyurl.com/4k5qhxk ◄███▓▒░░

rmxpokeman

60 weeks ago

wait.... 3 hour battery life? wtf... I may as well wait for the revamp with a longer life span.

SuperGears98

60 weeks ago

No instead of a vortex it should be like terminator sony psp 5d takes over the world

Dr Devius

60 weeks ago

What is it with Smosh and these Spammers doing air Nike ads on the comment page? Personally I think Smosh has sold out to Nike! Bad, evil, sneaky Smosh!!!

fuwaragubara

60 weeks ago

You Won't Drink any soda Soft Drink after watching the SHOCKING VIDEO BELOW...I BET
░░▒▓███► http://tinyurl.com/4k5qhxk ◄███▓▒░░

akgaimer

60 weeks ago

How'd you guys know Borders was closing in my town?

matt700

60 weeks ago

you know they will brake the laws of phishing just for 5D to be above nintendo

jadenisgay

60 weeks ago

people should be happy nintendo hasn`t made a sex ed game

fuwaragubara

60 weeks ago

You Won't Drink any soda Soft Drink after watching the SHOCKING VIDEO BELOW...I BET
░░▒▓███► http://tinyurl.com/4k5qhxk ◄███▓▒░░

gsmb1999

60 weeks ago

3ds is awesome

gsmb1999

60 weeks ago

3ds is awesome

TalonsFox

60 weeks ago

DictatorCourtney

60 weeks ago

one.

DictatorCourtney

60 weeks ago

There are only really four dimensions, length, width, height, and time. A fifth dimension would be an alternate universe or something... So a 5D game player would rip open like a worm hole... I'd get

tBlastoise

60 weeks ago

The OoT remake is the reason I'm getting a 3DS, to tell the truth.

narfire214

60 weeks ago

i got one yesterday, i love it.... now i'm waiting for ocarina of time

jjfar401

60 weeks ago

What the firetruck did i JUST READ?

mmspace24

60 weeks ago

Honestly I am not going to get it
I don't think it's going to work

montage gaming

60 weeks ago

i'm not getting a 3ds mainly because its 3d!
it's gotta be really bad for your eyes

Mustarify

60 weeks ago

sony is jealous

Noelns

60 weeks ago

I think Nintendo kinda went a bit too far with the 3DS. Besides, I want a whole new system, like a touch screen Nintendo phone that comes with all of these awesome games, like Super Mario Bros. and th

YellowRukio

60 weeks ago

the 3ds holds up to 5 hours when you play with the highest screen brightnrss turned on i tried it...

ConnorTaylorLFC

60 weeks ago

Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time if actually the BEST game ever made.

Glaceon22

60 weeks ago

I'm much to lazy to get one.

SuperElg

60 weeks ago

I want one.. But I will wait til my DS break :P

xxxKittana

60 weeks ago

Number four is seriously the only reason why I want the 3DS. Like, seriously. If I could play only one game for the rest of my life, it would be Ocarina of Time <3

antronix

60 weeks ago

i got one last friday^^

worldwartra

60 weeks ago

I DON"T WANT F***ING AIR JORDANS!!!!!!!11 shift+one!!!!!!1