7 Creepiest Pop Songs About Teen Girls
Somewhere along the way, pop music lost its true calling. Turn on the radio today and all you'll hear are songs about dancing, drinking and dougie-ing (whatever the hell that is). Back in the day, though, all you'd hear were grown-a** men singing creepy songs about the sexual appeal of teenage girls, a.k.a. GOOD MUSIC. Some of these songs were better than others – and by "better," I mean, "creepier." Here's seven of the best/creepiest old school jams.
"Seventeen" by Foreigner
Again, the protagonist of this song knows his love is wrong – he just doesn’t care (“They said I was playin' with fire / I knew I had to take a chance”). The creepazoids in Foreigner also deserve bonus points for their choice of cover art – a disturbing photo of a terrified looking teen girl sitting on a urinal. Stay classy, gents.
"Young Girl" by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap
Judging by the chorus (“Young girl, get out of my mind / My love for you is way out of line”), the protagonist is self-aware. He’s not self-aware enough, however, to not blame the victim for his teen lust (“Beneath your perfume and your make-up / You're just a baby in disguise / And though you know that it's wrong to be / Alone with me / That come on look is in your eyes”). Shudder.
"You're Sixteen, You're Beautiful (and You're Mine)" by Johnny Burnette
Because the only thing better than hooking up with a teenage girl is owning a teenage girl. One question, though: How can a sixteen year old have “lips like strawberry wine”? Shouldn’t they taste more like Capri Sun?
"Vehicle" by Ides of March
“Hey well, I'm a friendly stranger in a black Sedan / Won't you hop inside my car? / I got pictures, got candy, I'm a lovable man / And I can take you to the nearest star.” Child abduction has never sounded so...poppy!
"Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen" by Neil Sedaka
Neil Sedaka looks like a creep. And in this instance, you can judge a book by its cover. Lyrics include, “Tonight's the night I've waited for / Because you're not a baby anymore / You've turned into the prettiest girl I've ever seen.” Hey...at least he waited, right?!?
"Thank Heaven for Little Girls" by Maurice Chevalier
French dudes are universally creepy – Maurice Chevalier is no exception. This song, from the musical “Gigi,” describes little girls as having “little eyes so helpless and appealing.” He’s right, you know...nothing’s more arousing than helplessness!
"Sixteen" by The Crests
This song proves that it’s OK to perv on young girls, as long as you do so respectfully (You're only sixteen / But you're my teenage queen). Hear that, kiddo? You’re this dude’s queen!
Any creepy odes to teen lust I missed? Let me know in the comments, or tell me @Bornferal!