7 More Great Places To Hook Up That Are Actually Terrible Places To Hook Up

Take it from an expert: things are not always as they seem. You might think that these would be great places to hook up with someone. You are horribly mistaken. I'll tell you why.


1. Limousine

Nothing puts you in the mood like whizzing down the highway at 60 miles an hour while some creepy limo driver watches your every move in the rearview mirror. It’s all the motion sickness and none of the privacy of making out on a rollercoaster. Plus, it’s about as romantic as making out in the back of your mom’s minivan sitting next to your little brother who still picks his nose and eats it.


2. Yacht

Some people think nothing could be more romantic than making out on the deck of their own mega-yacht. Well, those people have never heard of pirates. Pirates cruise the Seven Seas looking for people who have let their guard down so they rob and murder them, and then sink the boat to erase all evidence of their crimes. That sounds romantic. You’re better off sticking to a round of bumper boats and mini-golf.


3. Motorcycle

Oh, my gosh, you’re so hot. This is amazing. You’re so hot, I can’t believe… oh, no, oh, no, wait I'm losing my balance. This was a horrible idea.


4. Parents’ Bedroom

Whenever you throw a party there’s always some joker who sneaks upstairs and tries to get busy in your parents’ bedroom. Yeah, dummy, what’s more romantic than hooking up sitting on the same bed that your dad farts in while watching pro wrestling? Answer = anything.


5. Movie Theater

Do you really think the other 175 people in this movie theater paid $12 for an oversized Coke and box of stale Juju Bees to witness the fact that your only real practice French kissing has been on the back of your hand? Not to mention numerous stuffed animals and once with your cousin Larry? Oh, great, now your braces are stuck together. Maybe someone in the crowd is a doctor or orthodontist or has a Swiss Army knife on their keychain.  Well, it appears several of them have a camera phones, so now you (and the Internet) can remember this night forever.


6. Space

People in movies are always making out in space like it’s so awesome because of the zero gravity and whatnot. You know what isn’t awesome? The fact that there are no showers in space. If you want to make out with some chick or dude who smells like they’re covered in armpits be my guest. Just be sure to keep one hand free to hold your nose.


7. The Woods

The woods? Really? That’s where bears poop, hobos bathe and serial killers in hockey masks stalk their prey. Maybe you ought to stay in and rent a movie instead.


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