7 Naughty Songs Cleaned Up For Radio Disney
Radio Disney has lost its edge, y'all. (sarcasm font in effect) In order to help them get their 'cool factor' back, I feel they need to get more risque with the songs they spin. More Tyler, the Creator, less Cheetah Girls(are they still together? Too lazy to Google.) To help Radio Disney out, I'm giving them some examples of how they can clean up filthy songs and be less lame. Disney friendly makeovers for everyone!
Rihanna-- Weinerschnitzel (Cockiness)
I can be slow on the uptake sometimes, but I'm pretty sure the original version of this song is full of what they call sexual euphemisms. You can't suck and lick an attitude, RiRi. But you can savor a delicious frankfurter without ANY fear of inappropriate meaning whatsoever.
Inhale a kraut dog,
Lick the mustard.
Eat a soft serve
and swallow it down, with a Sierra Mist.
Nothing dirty about that! Bonus:sponsor tie-in!
Lil Wayne--LOLcat Monster (Pu**y Monster)
Hey, everyone loves Lil Wayne. Everyone loves LOLcats. Why should Radio Disney listeners not experience the joy of Lil Wayne?
I got LOLcat coming to me, LOLcat coming to me, LOLcat
Show me your LOLcat, and Imma show you one when this animated GIF loads.
Tyler The Creator--Girl Gimme Hug (B*tch S*@! D*!@)
I know what your thinking, censoring a Tyler, the Creator song?? It'll be all censorship no original. YUP.
Come here girl! Gimme a hug.(Can I offer you a nut?)
They came with my McDonald's Fruit n' Yogurt parfait but I didn't swallow them.
I got a chain with a spiffy platinum plaque on it,
Is that a hundred dollar bill? Excuse me, I have to go to the little boys room.
That just friggin' broke my brain.
Khia-My Neck, My Back
They just don't make ladylike ladies like they used to, am I right? I asked and yes, Khia does kiss her meemaw with that mouth. It took some work to clean up Khia...she is straight-up nasty! I think this song works well as an ode to workplace safety.
My neck, My back.
Lift with your knees, or things get whack!
My neck, My back.
I need a chiropractor to give it a crack!
Chris Brown--Look At Me Now
There's no better way to rebuild your public image after you beat up your girlfriend, than to sing a song about how great you are. Radio Disney, however, needs him to be more respectful to the ladies.
Better watch your step miss, I don't want you to trip.
There's a cactus planted there, you don't wanna get pricked
oops you got pricked.
I didn't want you to get pricked, but since you got pricked.
why don't you say hi to my, umm...friend Rick? He has some tweezers and can help you pull that prick out.
R. Kelly-- Cooking In The Kitchen (Sex In The Kitchen)
I think we can all agree R.Kelly writes some of the least sexy sexy songs out there. This one would be perfect for Radio Disney. There's not even to much to censor! Just leave it pretty much as is and change one word in the title and VOILA! THIS SONG IS ABOUT COOKING KIDS!
Girl, want me to toss your salad?
While I'm making vinaigrette, we'll be feasting.
Girl, you're in the kitchen, sweating up a storm.
The oven's on 500, so you know the kitchen's warm.
They're not having sex in this song. They're:
Cutting up tomatoes, fruits and vegetables and potatoes.
Yes. That's a real uncensored lyric. Thank you R. Kelly. You are my lyrical hero.
Akon--I Wanna Friend Request You (I Wanna F*ck You)
I know there was a radio version called I Wanna Love You, but even that is too risque for Radio Disney. And the kids today just love their Facebook.
I see you commenting and liking, wanna give you a poke.
You liked a photo I was tagged in and you LOLed at my joke.
I wanna friend request you, I think your interests are fly
I wanna friend request you, join me on spoti-fy.
What are some dirty songs you wanna see Disney-fied? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!